Aug 11, 2026 · 13 min · 8 segments
Dr. Mary Barbera shares the story of her sons Lucas and Spencer, two boys who looked very similar as toddlers but had very different outcomes. Through their journey, she explains why parents can't…
If someone had handed me a crystal ball in 1998 and let me look into it, I would have seen two little boys 18 months apart walking on the beach in their matching plaid overalls.
I would not have been able to tell you which one would go on to need 24/7 care for the rest of his life and which one would grow up to become a physician.
No one can read a crystal ball, not me, not you, not the most experienced developmental pediatrician in the country.
That's the hardest truth I've had to accept in almost 30 years in the autism world, and it's the subject of this month's newsletter.
Between 18 months and two years of age, Lucas and Spencer looked remarkably similar.
Although if you've watched other v- videos, read newsletter one, or read my books, you know that my husband, who's also a physician, mentioned the possibility of autism when Lucas was just 21 months old, shortly after Spencer was born.
Both were poor sleepers and required sleeping drives that would require me to drive around the block to get them to fall asleep at the same time.
Complicating the situation, Spencer also had chronic ear infections requiring almost constant antibiotics.
It was a confusing and overwhelming time for me, but nothing about the picture screamed that one of these boys would be fine and the other would not.
Lucas had regressed sometime after his first birthday, losing some words and skills he had already had.
He was diagnosed with a speech delay at two and moderate to severe autism the day before he turned three.
Spencer didn't talk much at two either, and I was worried he would regress like Lucas did.
If someone had handed me a crystal ball in 1998 and let me look into it, I would have seen two little boys 18 months apart walking on the beach in their matching plaid overalls.
I would not have been able to tell you which one would go on to need 24/7 care for the rest of his life and which one would grow up to become a physician.
No one can read a crystal ball, not me, not you, not the most experienced developmental pediatrician in the country.
That's the hardest truth I've had to accept in almost 30 years in the autism world, and it's the subject of this month's newsletter.
Between 18 months and two years of age, Lucas and Spencer looked remarkably similar.
Although if you've watched other v- videos, read newsletter one, or read my books, you know that my husband, who's also a physician, mentioned the possibility of autism when Lucas was just 21 months old, shortly after Spencer was born.
Both were poor sleepers and required sleeping drives that would require me to drive around the block to get them to fall asleep at the same time.
Complicating the situation, Spencer also had chronic ear infections requiring almost constant antibiotics.
It was a confusing and overwhelming time for me, but nothing about the picture screamed that one of these boys would be fine and the other would not.
Lucas had regressed sometime after his first birthday, losing some words and skills he had already had.
He was diagnosed with a speech delay at two and moderate to severe autism the day before he turned three.
Spencer didn't talk much at two either, and I was worried he would regress like Lucas did.
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