The Second C of Collaborative Discipline - Intentional Communication

All right.

So in our example that we are dissecting, Davey is this older kid.

He's six-and-a-half years old, and he wants to go ride his dirt bike first thing in the morning.

Yes? You're with me because you've listened to the other two.

And I connected deeply with him, right? I set that relationship stage early in his infancy and toddler years, and so that connection exists.

But that's not always enough, especially in moments where a child is feeling so incredibly determined to go do something.

So I said his name, "Davey." Listen to the tone in my voice, right? That is a, "Whoa, slow your body." [chuckles] My first act of communication was to say his name.

Does it work? Not entirely.

Kept him from running out the door? Yes.

Awesome.

It's a win.

Now, the next step matters.

My next communication strategy has to be built in connection, and that's the energy that I bring to the conversation.

Simply staying in the kitchen and continuing to say his name repeatedly was not going to work.

In fact, it would alienate him, and he would run.

I had to stop what I'm doing, move my body to his slowly.

This matters.

If I stop what I'm doing, I huff and puff with a deep sigh and a cranky voice and stomping feet, and I move quickly to him, what's the energy that I'm bringing to the connection? It's not great.

It's going to set him off.

It's going to trigger him even more to be afraid that I'm gonna say no and just go.

We don't want that.

[chuckles] So I have to be very intentional.

So I stayed calm in my body.

I kept my body position.

We talked about this in the last episode, right? I kept my face in a neutral communication mode.