The 4 C's of Collaborative Discipline

So the four Cs of collaborative discipline, and, I, let me just tell you, I'm not a huge fan of the word discipline, although I understand from a linguist's perspective how essential it is when we think about working with kids.

Because think about discipline as being the positive side of the word.

Every word has a negative connotation and a positive connotation when we implement them properly.

And typically, the negative connotations come from emotion.

When we el- overlay our human emotions is when we get this idea of discipline being something challenging, and, um, it's going to have to be negative, and hopefully it doesn't erode our, our connection.

But think about you as an adult.

I'll give you a great example with me.

When I sit down to plan out podcast episodes, when I think about putting together a new professional development seminar for teachers, it takes discipline, which means what? It takes intention, it takes vision setting, it takes dedication, and it takes kind of that, "I'm gonna show up and do it even when I don't feel like it." Wow, right? Two very different definitions or applications of the word discipline.

And so I'm gonna challenge you as I talk about my collaborative discipline model to detach from the idea that it's always in response to something negative.

[sighs] Okay, with that in mind, a wonderful little personality named Davey has appeared many, many, many times on this show.

Um, when he was young, I had the privilege to call myself Nanny Cara and take care of him and help develop his brain and his body and his heart and his, his spirit from tiny-hood, and he's now six-and-a-half.

So recently, I got to spend the day with him and his sister, although she's not part of this story today, and first thing in the morning, okay, so it was like a 7:00 AM to 4:30 PM day, and we were just so excited to see each other again.

First thing in the morning, he says to me, like 7:30 in the morning, "I'm gonna go outside and ride my dirt bike." And I went, "What?" [laughs] On so, so many levels.

First of all, he's great at riding his dirt bike.

I know he's capable of it, but as the caregiver for the day, I was not real kinky about him going out and doing that, first of all, first thing in the morning.

Um, it's all wet out, that, that type of stuff.

Secondly, it mattered to me, right? Your deep why when you respond or react to a child is where you choose the direction you're headed, the decision you're making, and the ensuing conversation and the boundaries and all the things that are gonna come next.

And my deep why has always been when there's something I'm not confident in, I'm not familiar in understanding how to work with, like dirt bikes, not my zone of genius, friends, I do not love allowing that to happen without a parent present.

That's it.

It's a safety thing for me, and it always comes back to, it's my job to keep you safe.

He's heard that from me his whole life, usually like this, "It's my job to keep you safe." [laughs] Use it.

It works.

Um, and so I, I took a deep breath as he's literally bolting towards the door, 'cause that's what this kid does, he's a mover and a shaker, and he had made a decision.

Notice he didn't ask me.

He told me, "I'm going outside to ride my dirt bike." And in response, I said, "Yes, but not yet." Four little words.