How to Hold Boundaries Without Power Struggles or Meltdowns

Hey, toddler tribe.

We are talking boundaries today, and this is something that a lot of early childhood educators are really helping parents understand in a new way, uh, again, actually.

You know, this is how it works in the world of education.

We have these methodologies, we have these, um, psychologies, and we have these strategies, and they kind of go in a merry-go-round circle.

Uh, when I was growing up, whole language was all the rage.

It was essential to, uh, public school systems to really be raising the whole child and, you know, relationship based connection stuff, and then we moved to...

It goes around and around and around, and you know, the, the most beautiful part is it's now coming back.

[laughs] Um, so when it comes to parenting, there are these waves and these movements, um, because we're always looking to evolve and do better, but what often happens is there's a more of a pendulum effect, right? If you think about a few generations ago, parenting was very strict.

There were borders that were essentially barricades.

Yeah? The do it because I said it, do what I say, not as I do, um, the children should be seen and not heard.

Like, that type of generational experience, those kids felt really barricaded in that the boundary was...

They couldn't even approach it.

[lips smack] And because of that, you know, we evolved into a more relationship based parenting style, uh, over the few, next few generations, where parents said, "Okay, kids do deserve a voice in their own home.

They do deserve to speak and be heard.

Um, but ultimately, I'm still the power," right? "The power is with me, and because I'm the adult.

And e- even though they have a voice, I'm the one who gets to decide everything." So that was the beginning of that pendulum swift, swift, shift, and then we landed in, uh, we had a generation of kids who grew up who w- just really found themselves vocally and emotionally repressed.

And we said, "Wait a minute.

W- why can't our kids feel their feelings? Why can't they express them well? Why can't they, why don't they feel seen, loved, heard, and understood?" And so the swing continued, and we ended up going a little bit too far over into the world of gentle parenting, where it became all about feelings, all about relationship, all about making kids feel successful, and, like, they were, and they ended up driving the bus, right? Because what happened to our boundaries? From those many, many generations ago, they basically disappeared.

They basically disappeared.

And so we are finding our way again.

The next evolution was conscious discipline, and it's such a powerful way of building bonds and boundaries.

And my guess is if you listen to this show, you're very familiar with it.

You probably follow Dr. Shefali, and you are practicing conscious discipline in your daily parenting experience.

And I'm here today to talk specifically about the boundary components, because they're not all created equal.