‘Relationship red flags and how to spot them’

So today we're going to be talking about the types of abuse that can happen in intimate relationships, the common red flags of abuse, what they look like, feel like, sound like.

And we're going to hear from some of you explaining what a healthy relationship should feel like and also talk about where to go for support.

So before we dive into everything, we talk about red flags, amber flags, everything.

Can you first just remind us, Mary, the different types of abuse? Because...

We're going to go into everything, but like, what are they so that we have that kind of base knowledge?

Yeah, I suppose we all know abuse doesn't come in one form.

And often we think of, you know, physical abuse as the most common one or the one that's like the worst or the one that almost has to happen frequently.

for it to be seen as abuse or to be taken seriously.

But we know from our research in women's age and supporting survivors for over 50 years that abuse happens in lots of different ways.

One of the most common ones being emotional abuse.

So basically, emotional abuse is where you feel really afraid on edge and like your partner is putting you down all the time.

They're making you feel to blame for what they're doing to you in the relationship.

So it can include things like intimidation, threats, manipulation, things like gaslighting, making you feel like it's all in your head, that you're blowing things out of proportion and that if you change your behavior, that things might go back to normal.

And it's really the thing that wears down your self-confidence and makes you feel like, you know, you can't leave.

Like you have to rely on this person for any

validation because they're the only source,

basically.

Yeah, exactly.

And it really, really gets into your head and it wears down, you know, your self-confidence, your sense of self, your ability to listen to your gut that tells you, you know, something doesn't feel right here.

It starts to feel like you're thinking differently.

Maybe I did do something wrong or maybe if I didn't hang out with that friend that they wouldn't react this way.

Maybe if I just make sure everything around the house is organized so that, you know, they can't point out anything.

Maybe if I make sure that I look or dress a certain way that they'll be happy and they won't accuse me of flirting with someone else or trying to get attention from someone else.

And we know that, you know, emotional abuse has a really lasting effect because of that kind of wearing down of self-esteem.

It's also, we know the form of abuse that happens most commonly in young relationships.