My adult sons have stopped speaking. Should I intervene? | Agony Aunties

Hello, my agony aunties.

I have another question for you.

And it's one I have edited quite a lot.

And I've removed the identifying details.

So if the listener hears this, don't be cross with us for changing it.

All of that's insignificant in your question is here.

I've just made sure that nobody can recognize it's you.

So the question reads, my husband and I have two sons in their 30s who have not spoken for about a year, and I am devastated by it.

they were once very close and played together in a band for years when one of them decided to leave the band came to an end looking back i think this caused hurt between them that was never properly resolved more recently their partners fell out over a broken confidence our sons each supported their partner and gradually the conflict became theirs too one brother tried to reconcile but while he wanted to talk through what had happened the other wanted to put it behind them without discussing it it ended in an argument and now both are waiting for an apology from the other We still have good relationships with both sons and their partners, which I'm very grateful for.

But I feel heartbroken by what has happened to our family.

At times I feel overwhelmed and ashamed, even though I know they are adults and this is ultimately their relationship to resolve.

Most advice says parents should not interfere in estrangement between adult children.

Is that always right? Are there times when loving parents should try to bring their children back together? My fear is that by trying to help, we could damage the relationships we still have with them.

So that's a very difficult question.

Hello, my agony aunties.

I have another question for you.

And it's one I have edited quite a lot.

And I've removed the identifying details.

So if the listener hears this, don't be cross with us for changing it.

All of that's insignificant in your question is here.

I've just made sure that nobody can recognize it's you.

So the question reads, my husband and I have two sons in their 30s who have not spoken for about a year, and I am devastated by it.

they were once very close and played together in a band for years when one of them decided to leave the band came to an end looking back i think this caused hurt between them that was never properly resolved more recently their partners fell out over a broken confidence our sons each supported their partner and gradually the conflict became theirs too one brother tried to reconcile but while he wanted to talk through what had happened the other wanted to put it behind them without discussing it it ended in an argument and now both are waiting for an apology from the other We still have good relationships with both sons and their partners, which I'm very grateful for.

But I feel heartbroken by what has happened to our family.

At times I feel overwhelmed and ashamed, even though I know they are adults and this is ultimately their relationship to resolve.

Most advice says parents should not interfere in estrangement between adult children.

Is that always right? Are there times when loving parents should try to bring their children back together? My fear is that by trying to help, we could damage the relationships we still have with them.

So that's a very difficult question.