The Dark Mare

Have you ever looked back at a chapter in your life and wondered who on

earth that woman was?

I certainly have.

There have been times in my life when I have felt as though I'm starring in my own film, and it was not always a good film either.

Sometimes it's a love story, sometimes a drama, sometimes it's a story so painful you wouldn't wish it on anyone.

And then there are the films you know you should have walked out of long before the credits rolled.

But you stayed.

Because you were frightened.

Because you were in love.

Or because you become so caught up in the story that you could no longer remember who you were before it began.

And here's something I'd had to acknowledge about my own life.

I haven't always played the heroine.

I've made decisions I'm not proud of.

I've followed feelings I didn't fully understand.

And there have been times when I've looked back and barely recognised the woman I was.

But I've also been the woman who was hurt.

The woman who stayed too long.

The woman who lost herself trying to make sense of somebody else's story.

And I wonder how many of you have been both.

Because what happens when that film finally ends? When the lights come up, the characters leave, and there's nobody left to convince you.

Just you.

And the woman you've become so very good at hiding from.

I felt particularly drawn to share this episode at this time of year.

We've just entered Scorpio season, a time associated with transformation, secrets, desire and the hidden parts of ourselves.

And we're approaching Samhain when the nights draw in and the natural world begins turning inwards.