The "Ours Baby" in a Blended Family: What No One Tells You | Amanda Gonzales, LCMHC & Morgan Lindahl

Well, let's start before the baby.

So a lot of stepmoms really wrestle with the decision to have an hours child.

And it's, you know, it's a hard thing to bring a new child into a dynamic where there are already kids and you're kind of worried about, you know, all the things that that could bring with it.

What were the fears that you both struggled with in doing that? And what was something that surprised you once you had your first hours baby?

I think for me, I've always just wanted to be a mom.

It's been my greatest wish and desire for my life and for my future.

And so I never wrestled with the choice of or the decision of do I want to have children or not? And do I want to have an ours baby? Do I want to make our family bigger? I knew I wanted that with everything in me.

And so I was almost kind of the opposite where I don't think I thought about it one second.

I think I was just really excited to be a mom.

And I didn't realize the complexities that would come with a blended family and with having an ours babies until that baby was actually here.

And so when that happened, I would say just the fear of, I always wanted to make sure I was dividing my time appropriately.

And that was really hard where I felt like I was giving my all to this new baby.

And I was making sure that my stepkids didn't get shafted and I could still care for them because they were little, right? Like I came into this with little kids.

So I was in mom mode, 100%.

I didn't get these teenagers coming in.

I had two little toddlers running around that I was taking care of at home full time.

So add the baby into the mix.

That was a pretty tricky thing.

There's guilt involved.

Am I showing love in the same way? I wanted nothing more than my kids to feel love for me, my stepkids included, and feel like I was treating them the same, as best as I could with our dynamic.

And then I don't think a lot of fears came until... that ours baby was a little bit older, you know? I think some more complexities come in as they grow older and they're understanding what's going on.

And then it becomes really difficult.

Yeah, 100%.

Yeah, I think these dynamics are so challenging and it's something that, you know, a lot of people don't think about when they're already kids and then you're having your baby.

People are like, oh, that's amazing, you know? And then I don't think that, you know, people really think about the fact that there are all of these different ways emotions and stuff that come along with it for the moms and stepmoms, you know? And so Amanda, you had your kids and you then brought ours babies in.