REWIND: What To Do When Bio Mom Doesn't Like You

When you were thinking about becoming a stepmom, and you had some expectations that, of course, turned out to not really be realistic, how many of those expectations were tied to your partner's ex, your stepchildren's biological mom, or bio mom, as we like to call them in the stepmom world? One? Two? I don't know.

If you're like me, you probably didn't have any expectations about your partner's ex.

I mean, I knew that my husband Craig had a high conflict split from his first wife.

And on some level, I guess I knew that I'd have to deal with that at some point.

But I don't think that I really fully comprehended what that was going to look like in my daily life or how bad it could get, frankly.

But let's think about it.

When you started dating and then settled down with someone with kids, you probably didn't expect that your schedule might be controlled by someone completely outside your marriage or even your immediate family.

Or that your relationships with your stepchildren could be impacted by what their biological mom thinks of you.

Or, frankly, that you could be so bothered by what someone else thinks of you.

Or maybe that you would be jealous of your partner's former life sometimes.

Or, let's face it, even that you could be so disliked by someone who doesn't even really know you and won't take the time to get to know you.

You may not relate to all of those scenarios, but I'm guessing a couple of those sound kind of familiar.

If you're anything like me, you're a pleaser.

I am used to being liked.

I am used to being able to talk to people.

My professional life for 20 years has been based on building relationships and being able to relate to people and to talk to people about getting things done.

So, I mean, on most days, I can kind of talk to a brick wall and make it work.

So, you know, I got into this and I knew that I mean, let's face it, there's a reason they're not together anymore, right? But I never really thought about what it would be like for me to deal with her.

So when it wasn't all roses and unicorns, I was a little surprised.

I didn't really understand what I had done to deserve any kind of hostility.

I mean, I was just existing and doing the best I could, right? And look, it's different in every family and every situation.

There's no situation that's exactly the same.

In some situations, stepmoms and biomoms get along really well and actually become super close friends.

I think that's amazing.

Sometimes in other situations, it's just civil where they can be around each other and be very neutral.