Sep 3, 2026 · 12 min · 6 segments
Some conversations don't end when the cameras stop rolling—they deserve to be unpacked. In this episode of *The Notebook*, Hiba Balfaqih reflects on her conversation with Annesa and explores the…
I hated him, but I wanted him and I loved him and I knew.
You needed him to survive.
him to survive.
And that's what people misunderstand when they ask a woman in an abusive relationship, why didn't she leave? Because from the outside, you're looking at abuse.
This woman, was three weeks into her marriage when her husband strangled her in bed.
And yet, when her family finally got him away from her, she didn't immediately feel free.
Because when people hear that, they start searching for explanations like, she must have had low self-esteem.
And once you understand how one forms, the question stops being, why didn't she leave? And becomes what happened to her nervous system that made her feel that leaving was more dangerous than staying.
We talk about leaving abusive relationships like it's a decision, as if this woman has a spreadsheet.
I hated him, but I wanted him and I loved him and I knew.
You needed him to survive.
him to survive.
And that's what people misunderstand when they ask a woman in an abusive relationship, why didn't she leave? Because from the outside, you're looking at abuse.
This woman, was three weeks into her marriage when her husband strangled her in bed.
And yet, when her family finally got him away from her, she didn't immediately feel free.
Because when people hear that, they start searching for explanations like, she must have had low self-esteem.
And once you understand how one forms, the question stops being, why didn't she leave? And becomes what happened to her nervous system that made her feel that leaving was more dangerous than staying.
We talk about leaving abusive relationships like it's a decision, as if this woman has a spreadsheet.
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