May 6, 2026 · 44 min · 20 segments
Becoming a father changes everything — except the bits you thought it would. One year into fatherhood, Matty gets brutally honest about the joy, the exhaustion, the identity shifts, and the financial…
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But before I became a father, I was, I guess, going about my own life trying to create abundance and wealth and, you know, chase fancy cars and, and, you know, a, a lifestyle that, uh, you know, is on Instagram, basically, that rich people flaunt.
But one of the things that Yahli and I have had many conversations about is beforehand, we both, you know, were, you know, high-performing in our own way, and were chasing outcomes in life that had great economic, you know, success on the other side because we wanted to have all of these fun toys and travel and experience, and you should want those things.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to have a full spectrum of life experience, right? But one thing since becoming parents that we've really reflected on is that millennials in particular, w- uh, maybe millennials were the first generation to really have this occur to us, is that we were given so many choices and so many options and told, "Live for yourself.
You can be anything," you know, "Write your own story," blah, blah, blah, that actually...
A- and many of us have spent so much of our adult life up until this point, like, looking after ourselves and trying to improve ourselves and go to therapy and buy nice things and eat nice food, that once you have kids, you realize, whoa, it's really a narcissistic existence up until the point that you have children.
I'm saying that I and Yahli have talked about the fact that, whoa, we were just living for ourselves, our own self-indulgence.
And again, maybe these words are too strong, but, uh, you don't really realize how accurate those sentences and statements are until you have kids, particularly when you're sort of mid to late 30s, if not early 40s, when that- that's, when that's happening, and you realize, whoa, like, I was just, just in this world of s- me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
A- and you, it's also painted, this picture's painted of parenthood being, you know, hard and difficult and awful and, you know, dare I say it, the feminist movement has also projected onto women and men that the worst thing you can do to a woman is have her bear children and raise them.
You know? It's like, you know, it's this real masculine culture or this alpha success culture of like, "I can go to work and I can raise the kids and I can do everything and be everything," and like, "Grr, look at me," [laughs] you know? And the interesting thing about feminism in many aspects is really it's like women just trying to out-compete men at, in a men's world, a man's world.
Which is not me saying women are less, which is not me saying that, um, you know, we shouldn't have more balance, but it's just me saying that the feminist narrative or part of the feminist narrative that convinced men and women that having kids was a bad idea, that I also bought into, it's fucking bullshit, right? And you don't realize that until you have a child.
And maybe you've had children and maybe you still disagree with me because it didn't go well for you or you didn't have great support at home, men or women.
But we are designed, literally, once you go through puberty, most of your life as men and women, normal men and women, is dictated by the way that our genitals [laughs] mean that, like, push us in different directions.
You know, men chasing women, women chasing men, looking for relationships, looking for love, looking for a sexual intimate partner, right? And so this idea that we're not meant to have kids or we shouldn't have kids or that kids are a burden, our entire body [laughs] on some level or a big, s- like, a significant part of our existence is driven by a body that is seeking sexual intimacy [laughs], right? Which is the act of making children.
And so the idea that we're not meant to have kids or that you're not equipped to have kids or maybe you won't be good at it is actually absurd to me.
You know, I'm not necessarily someone that goes to church or believes in a specific god.
But before I became a father, I was, I guess, going about my own life trying to create abundance and wealth and, you know, chase fancy cars and, and, you know, a, a lifestyle that, uh, you know, is on Instagram, basically, that rich people flaunt.
But one of the things that Yahli and I have had many conversations about is beforehand, we both, you know, were, you know, high-performing in our own way, and were chasing outcomes in life that had great economic, you know, success on the other side because we wanted to have all of these fun toys and travel and experience, and you should want those things.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to have a full spectrum of life experience, right? But one thing since becoming parents that we've really reflected on is that millennials in particular, w- uh, maybe millennials were the first generation to really have this occur to us, is that we were given so many choices and so many options and told, "Live for yourself.
You can be anything," you know, "Write your own story," blah, blah, blah, that actually...
A- and many of us have spent so much of our adult life up until this point, like, looking after ourselves and trying to improve ourselves and go to therapy and buy nice things and eat nice food, that once you have kids, you realize, whoa, it's really a narcissistic existence up until the point that you have children.
I'm saying that I and Yahli have talked about the fact that, whoa, we were just living for ourselves, our own self-indulgence.
And again, maybe these words are too strong, but, uh, you don't really realize how accurate those sentences and statements are until you have kids, particularly when you're sort of mid to late 30s, if not early 40s, when that- that's, when that's happening, and you realize, whoa, like, I was just, just in this world of s- me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
A- and you, it's also painted, this picture's painted of parenthood being, you know, hard and difficult and awful and, you know, dare I say it, the feminist movement has also projected onto women and men that the worst thing you can do to a woman is have her bear children and raise them.
You know? It's like, you know, it's this real masculine culture or this alpha success culture of like, "I can go to work and I can raise the kids and I can do everything and be everything," and like, "Grr, look at me," [laughs] you know? And the interesting thing about feminism in many aspects is really it's like women just trying to out-compete men at, in a men's world, a man's world.
Which is not me saying women are less, which is not me saying that, um, you know, we shouldn't have more balance, but it's just me saying that the feminist narrative or part of the feminist narrative that convinced men and women that having kids was a bad idea, that I also bought into, it's fucking bullshit, right? And you don't realize that until you have a child.
And maybe you've had children and maybe you still disagree with me because it didn't go well for you or you didn't have great support at home, men or women.
But we are designed, literally, once you go through puberty, most of your life as men and women, normal men and women, is dictated by the way that our genitals [laughs] mean that, like, push us in different directions.
You know, men chasing women, women chasing men, looking for relationships, looking for love, looking for a sexual intimate partner, right? And so this idea that we're not meant to have kids or we shouldn't have kids or that kids are a burden, our entire body [laughs] on some level or a big, s- like, a significant part of our existence is driven by a body that is seeking sexual intimacy [laughs], right? Which is the act of making children.
And so the idea that we're not meant to have kids or that you're not equipped to have kids or maybe you won't be good at it is actually absurd to me.
You know, I'm not necessarily someone that goes to church or believes in a specific god.
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