Why did nobody tell me that I might like work more than mothering?

I don't know about you, Kat, but something that I have heard so many women in and out of the therapy room describing is this sense of feeling bad if you need a break from your mother role and I think this is a laid conversation especially when we're talking about going back to work and all of the guilt that comes up in that conversation but I think sometimes there can be like this permission or allowance that justification that comes up around like it's okay if I'm having a break from my children because I'm going back to work I'm doing something productive or I'm contributing in another way or it's okay if I have a break and I'm exercising you know I'm doing something productive in that way and what I love about George's share is is that it's okay to not be on.

It's okay to have a break, but not be doing another thing or holding another thing in another way.

You don't need to be on 24-7.

You don't always have to be doing something productive or ticking a box, achieving in some way.

I think sometimes that can be a that I definitely hear some mothers finding themselves in.

I hear so many women talking about this guilt for simultaneously needing something outside motherhood to feel fulfilled in another way and also feeling like, oh, but I shouldn't need that.

Like I shouldn't need a break from being a mum or a break from that role or something else without that extra justification.

Have you noticed that too, Kat?

Absolutely.

So well said.

It is that kind of permission to rest.

I'm only allowed to rest when everything has been done.

And I think if you ever felt like that prior to becoming a mom or prior having kids, it almost intensifies and amplifies with children because there's never kind of this switch off time, right? So if you ever felt or if your productivity or your, I guess, rest was tied to ticking everything off, then what can happen is when you have children is that completely blows up because there's no other unless maybe they're asleep at nighttime, might be the time where you feel like, oh, I have permission, complete permission to rest.

But you're so right.

I think there is this kind of intrinsic messaging around, remember how we're chatting around in one of the episodes of sleep when the baby sleeps.

And we're also saying, well, when do we get everything? You know, like, I think there's also what could be tricky about that is yes, it's, You can't just fall asleep when your baby falls asleep.

Your circadian rhythm, your sleep pressure, your needs, your demands outside of having a baby might be different.

But I also wonder if part of that goes into I don't feel worthy to rest right now.

I've got so much on.

I've got so many things I need to do and tick off before I can then feel good.

worthy to rest and so I love that comment around like it's okay then

there's probably always going to be a

hundred things to do and actually I find like a helpful pointer here is how do you want your children to view rest what do you want their relationship with rest to be and are you modeling that you know like do they see a mom who's like you know what I'm wrecked or I'm unwell, I need to take some time for myself or I just want to rest without needing to feel like I deserve it.

So I think that that's a really helpful reminder that rest is not just this luxurious experience finish line activity I can do for myself.

It's necessary.