Sep 16, 2026 · 20 min · 10 segments
Most of us treat impression management as vanity, something shallow people do to look good. RJ Starr's essay…
OK, let's unpack this, because to figure out why we feel so physically and mentally exhausted by everyday interactions, we have to completely discard our old, I mean, rather shallow definition of impression management.
We really do.
We have to look at the actual physiological reality of what our bodies are doing.
Right.
So the standard definition most of us carry around for impression management is heavily tied to vanity.
Like someone trying to look cool at a party.
Exactly.
Or, you know, a politician attempting to control a media narrative.
It sounds like this shallow, ego driven activity.
But Star's essay argues that true impression management is not about vanity at all.
Not at all.
At a psychological level, it is about maintenance.
It's the ongoing, invisible work of keeping a self coherent in the presence of others.
You are expending energy simply to exist as a recognizable, acceptable entity in a shared space.
Maintenance.
That word completely shifts the perspective because it implies effort and, well, continuous labor.
It really does.
To make this relatable, think about how your smartphone operates.
You might have a really heavy, demanding app running in the background.
Right.
The background app analogy.
You aren't actively clicking on this app.
It is invisible to you in the moment.
You're just checking your email or reading the news on the screen.
But meanwhile.
OK, let's unpack this, because to figure out why we feel so physically and mentally exhausted by everyday interactions, we have to completely discard our old, I mean, rather shallow definition of impression management.
We really do.
We have to look at the actual physiological reality of what our bodies are doing.
Right.
So the standard definition most of us carry around for impression management is heavily tied to vanity.
Like someone trying to look cool at a party.
Exactly.
Or, you know, a politician attempting to control a media narrative.
It sounds like this shallow, ego driven activity.
But Star's essay argues that true impression management is not about vanity at all.
Not at all.
At a psychological level, it is about maintenance.
It's the ongoing, invisible work of keeping a self coherent in the presence of others.
You are expending energy simply to exist as a recognizable, acceptable entity in a shared space.
Maintenance.
That word completely shifts the perspective because it implies effort and, well, continuous labor.
It really does.
To make this relatable, think about how your smartphone operates.
You might have a really heavy, demanding app running in the background.
Right.
The background app analogy.
You aren't actively clicking on this app.
It is invisible to you in the moment.
You're just checking your email or reading the news on the screen.
But meanwhile.
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