Aug 18, 2026 · 36 min · 10 segments
Turning 40 feels like a good moment to come back to the podcast for a more intimate check-in. In this solo episode, I reflect on where I’ve grown, where I’m still being asked to grow—especially when…
So 40.
Okay.
Truthfully, these past few weeks have been like a swirl of energy.
I don't even really know how to describe it.
I feel a buzz.
I feel just electric and...
I think it has part to do with the fact that I'm turning 40 and also just like what this time in my life represents, like where I actually am.
Age aside, like the choices I'm making, the stages I'm in.
Yeah, just the real life stuff that's going on.
And it's hard for me to actually... know how I feel about turning 40 because... like truthfully there have been different periods of my life where I looked at 40 with dread.
It literally felt like the beginning of the end.
Like that is when like you've crested the hill and now you're coming down.
It's all downhill and not in like an easy breezy fun way in a like you're, you're headed towards the end, like the good stuff is behind you.
I think that part of that comes from just watching my own parents age.
And, you know, when you're a kid and growing up, like your concept of age is so skewed, like 40 year olds seemed ancient to me because I was eight and 40 just felt like a lifetime away.
And it was, it was like, it was a lifetime away.
And so there are these residual feelings of like, hmm, like a little bit of fear, like have I got to where I want to be if this is like somewhat of the middle of life, like mid-age, mid-life? What have my 40 years meant? How would I summarize that? Yeah, like what...
What have I made of myself? What does this life represent? And as much as that sounds like reflective and positive and like airy, there's a bit of worry attached to it.
If I'm being honest, there's a bit of am I making myself proud type feeling to it.
I will say that as I've approached 40 over the last few years, I've started to feel differently.
It's not that those other feelings have gone away entirely, but new feelings have surfaced and they are definitely more empowered.
They're more excited.
I feel like a lot of the struggles I've had in life are either behind me or becoming smaller or I've learned from them.
I've overcome them.
I have tackled them in some kind of way.
So 40.
Okay.
Truthfully, these past few weeks have been like a swirl of energy.
I don't even really know how to describe it.
I feel a buzz.
I feel just electric and...
I think it has part to do with the fact that I'm turning 40 and also just like what this time in my life represents, like where I actually am.
Age aside, like the choices I'm making, the stages I'm in.
Yeah, just the real life stuff that's going on.
And it's hard for me to actually... know how I feel about turning 40 because... like truthfully there have been different periods of my life where I looked at 40 with dread.
It literally felt like the beginning of the end.
Like that is when like you've crested the hill and now you're coming down.
It's all downhill and not in like an easy breezy fun way in a like you're, you're headed towards the end, like the good stuff is behind you.
I think that part of that comes from just watching my own parents age.
And, you know, when you're a kid and growing up, like your concept of age is so skewed, like 40 year olds seemed ancient to me because I was eight and 40 just felt like a lifetime away.
And it was, it was like, it was a lifetime away.
And so there are these residual feelings of like, hmm, like a little bit of fear, like have I got to where I want to be if this is like somewhat of the middle of life, like mid-age, mid-life? What have my 40 years meant? How would I summarize that? Yeah, like what...
What have I made of myself? What does this life represent? And as much as that sounds like reflective and positive and like airy, there's a bit of worry attached to it.
If I'm being honest, there's a bit of am I making myself proud type feeling to it.
I will say that as I've approached 40 over the last few years, I've started to feel differently.
It's not that those other feelings have gone away entirely, but new feelings have surfaced and they are definitely more empowered.
They're more excited.
I feel like a lot of the struggles I've had in life are either behind me or becoming smaller or I've learned from them.
I've overcome them.
I have tackled them in some kind of way.
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