Oct 7, 2026 · 1 hr 5 min · 13 segments
What if some of the things you’ve learned to do to keep the peace are actually keeping you from yourself? In this episode, we’re sharing five things we wish we knew about people pleasing in our…
So the five things that Cori and I came up with when we were thinking about five things we wish we knew about as people pleasers in our 20s and 30s, uh, the first thing we came up with was everyone does not need to like you.
Mm.
That was a big pill for both Cori and I to swallow and learn.
Mm-hmm.
Um, and it's this internalized idea that likability equals worthiness, and that social acceptance feels like safety and rejection feels like a threat to our very identity.
So I, an example of this for me is when I've left, um, toxic relationships in the past and a smear campaign starts.
Mm.
That is a very, very difficult time for me.
I- Mm ...
the need to feel to jump in and de- defend my honor and defend my character- Mm ... um, and to be able to learn to just step back and realize that, you know, whoever believes that, they have a motivation for believing it, because if they knew me, they'd know in three seconds that it's not true.
Mm-hmm.
Um, I think in my marriage, when my marriage ended, that happened, and it probably for a year and a half, that was a conflict and a battle I really came up hard against because he was, you know, spreading lies throughout our c- very small community.
Mm.
And, um, you know, friends would always reassure me, "No one's gonna believe it.
No one's gonna believe it," but it was more that someone was saying those things about me.
Right.
You know? It was- Yeah ...
it was a very hard thing.
How awful.
I really, really, really had to learn this one.
And, um, I think this is even more exacerbated by the whole social media presence, right? Yeah.
And just the cultural presence and, uh, the constant stream of likes and hearts and validation and that feedback loop where, you know, approval is becoming addictive.
And, um, you know, checking to see how many people have post, how many people like what you did, like that's, that's not even why I'm doing it.
Mm-hmm.
So why, why am I jumping- But that is what- ... into that cycle, you know? Totally.
So the five things that Cori and I came up with when we were thinking about five things we wish we knew about as people pleasers in our 20s and 30s, uh, the first thing we came up with was everyone does not need to like you.
Mm.
That was a big pill for both Cori and I to swallow and learn.
Mm-hmm.
Um, and it's this internalized idea that likability equals worthiness, and that social acceptance feels like safety and rejection feels like a threat to our very identity.
So I, an example of this for me is when I've left, um, toxic relationships in the past and a smear campaign starts.
Mm.
That is a very, very difficult time for me.
I- Mm ...
the need to feel to jump in and de- defend my honor and defend my character- Mm ... um, and to be able to learn to just step back and realize that, you know, whoever believes that, they have a motivation for believing it, because if they knew me, they'd know in three seconds that it's not true.
Mm-hmm.
Um, I think in my marriage, when my marriage ended, that happened, and it probably for a year and a half, that was a conflict and a battle I really came up hard against because he was, you know, spreading lies throughout our c- very small community.
Mm.
And, um, you know, friends would always reassure me, "No one's gonna believe it.
No one's gonna believe it," but it was more that someone was saying those things about me.
Right.
You know? It was- Yeah ...
it was a very hard thing.
How awful.
I really, really, really had to learn this one.
And, um, I think this is even more exacerbated by the whole social media presence, right? Yeah.
And just the cultural presence and, uh, the constant stream of likes and hearts and validation and that feedback loop where, you know, approval is becoming addictive.
And, um, you know, checking to see how many people have post, how many people like what you did, like that's, that's not even why I'm doing it.
Mm-hmm.
So why, why am I jumping- But that is what- ... into that cycle, you know? Totally.
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