Sep 28, 2026 · 4 min · 3 segments
Have you ever stumbled over your words, made a typo, or felt embarrassed by a small mistake—and then replayed it all day? There's a psychological reason for that: the spotlight effect. We tend to…
I want you to think about the last time you stumbled over your words on a meeting or sent an email with a typo in it.
It probably replayed in your mind for hours, if not the whole day, this one small mistake you made.
Now, I want you to be honest with yourself.
How many times this week have you thought about somebody else's small stumble or small mistake? Probably almost never.
And that gap is really the whole point of today's episode.
Psychologists call this the spotlight effect, which is our tendency to believe we're being noticed way more than we actually are.
And it's almost like there's this spotlight following us around where most people are watching us and critiquing us.
But the reality is that oftentimes Not the case.
There's a famous study behind this.
Researchers at Cornell led by Thomas Gilovich had students walk into a room wearing a really embarrassing T-shirt.
Now, before going in, the students were asked to guess how many people would notice and remember the shirt they were wearing.
On average, the students guessed that about half of the room would remember the shirt they were wearing.
Now, the actual number post-study was only about a quarter.
So they overestimated how much they stood out by almost double.
And this is a recurring common finding in that we are twice as visible in our own minds as we are in reality.
It works the same way with our mistakes, with our nerves, and with things we're self-conscious about.
Anytime we stumble, it really feels enormous.
It feels like the world is shattering and we are being judged.
But the truth of the matter is that it barely registers for everyone else.
Why is that? Because not only are you under your own spotlight, they're under their own spotlight, worrying about their own stuff.
So here's what we do about this.
The next time you're holding back, afraid to speak up or ask the dumb question or take a small risk because of how it might look, I want you to try two things.
First, name the audience.
Picture exactly who you think is scrutinizing you.
Usually it's a pretty vague imagined crowd.
I want you to think about the last time you stumbled over your words on a meeting or sent an email with a typo in it.
It probably replayed in your mind for hours, if not the whole day, this one small mistake you made.
Now, I want you to be honest with yourself.
How many times this week have you thought about somebody else's small stumble or small mistake? Probably almost never.
And that gap is really the whole point of today's episode.
Psychologists call this the spotlight effect, which is our tendency to believe we're being noticed way more than we actually are.
And it's almost like there's this spotlight following us around where most people are watching us and critiquing us.
But the reality is that oftentimes Not the case.
There's a famous study behind this.
Researchers at Cornell led by Thomas Gilovich had students walk into a room wearing a really embarrassing T-shirt.
Now, before going in, the students were asked to guess how many people would notice and remember the shirt they were wearing.
On average, the students guessed that about half of the room would remember the shirt they were wearing.
Now, the actual number post-study was only about a quarter.
So they overestimated how much they stood out by almost double.
And this is a recurring common finding in that we are twice as visible in our own minds as we are in reality.
It works the same way with our mistakes, with our nerves, and with things we're self-conscious about.
Anytime we stumble, it really feels enormous.
It feels like the world is shattering and we are being judged.
But the truth of the matter is that it barely registers for everyone else.
Why is that? Because not only are you under your own spotlight, they're under their own spotlight, worrying about their own stuff.
So here's what we do about this.
The next time you're holding back, afraid to speak up or ask the dumb question or take a small risk because of how it might look, I want you to try two things.
First, name the audience.
Picture exactly who you think is scrutinizing you.
Usually it's a pretty vague imagined crowd.
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