Reclaiming Identity After Crisis with Sarah Ross

That's it.

Well, that's a nice way to look at it.

And with that, I mean, we're talking about it now, but clearly there's a lot of emotion that's attached to this story and it's very, and we spoke about it coming on, it's very extraordinarily brave of you to share such a raw story for you and your family.

What has that period taught you about being a mother in that first instance that you couldn't have possibly have understood beforehand? You were talking about it then just about the different way that you sort of communicate and everything, but what else? Is there anything else that you look at now? This

whole process took me – And I never intended to write a book.

But when I started journaling and working through my own thoughts because I couldn't even talk about it when it happened.

I didn't tell anybody for a very long time.

But when I finally started talking about it and looking at myself and I started really even looking at my expectations of motherhood.

Where did that come from? I talk a little bit in the book about, you know, my upbringing and so on.

And I always thought there was something wrong with the way that I parented.

And clearly when this happened, I would walk down the street and think, oh my gosh, people are looking at me, making comments about, you know, what a terrible parent I am.

I know that wasn't the case, but that's how I felt.

So it kind of really took me on a bit of an analysis of everything that I thought that I knew because the person that you love the most in the world feels this way about themselves.

I must have done something to cause this.

Yeah.

And mental ill health is a health condition.

It's no one's fault.

It's taken me a long time to get to that point.

So I kind of really looked at everything about my parenting.

What could I possibly do different? And then I realised, you know, I'm probably just fine the way I am.

The fact that I'm reflecting, the fact that I'm interested in, you know, conversation, being more present, it probably made me stop and look at that work-life balance.

We hear that all the time, but it was a real practical thing that I couldn't maintain the same level of senior role that I had at the time.

So it really caused me to look at everything in myself as well, as well as how we parent and communicate.

Which is great because, I mean, some people would recoil and just shut it away, won't they, and just go, they can't face that.

So well done you.