Letting Go Of The Imagined Child To See The Real One

And the pondering question that I'm putting forward is, who do you need to become in order to support the child who has come into your life? Notice I didn't say, who does your child need to become? I said, who do you as the child's parent need to become? And perhaps even before we get to that question, there's another one that keeps on playing out in my mind.

And that's, why did you want to have children in the first place? So have you really thought about that question? Why did you want children? Why did you want to become a parent? Maybe you always knew you wanted children deep down.

Maybe it was simply what people did.

Maybe you grew up, you met somebody, you created a life together, and having children was the next part of that life.

Maybe you wanted to nurture somebody.

Maybe you wanted to create the kind of family that you yourself didn't have growing up.

Maybe you wanted to continue your family line.

Or maybe you wanted to give something to the world.

Maybe you wanted to experience that incredible relationship between a parent and a child that so many people talk about.

Or maybe you imagined Christmases and birthdays and family get-togethers and holidays.

Well, whatever it was, you've got this beautiful little person in your life right now.

And maybe you didn't even consciously know that you wanted children.

Maybe that child just came into your life.

So someone...

in your life, is that someone who might look like you? Is that someone who thinks like you? Is that someone who enjoys some of the things you enjoy? Perhaps that someone is someone who's achieved some of the things that you've achieved, or perhaps achieved some of the things that you never had the opportunity to achieve.

Have you ever thought about that? So whether you wanted a child in your life or not, that little person is in there being beautiful every day.

And there's no right answer as to why this child has come into your life.

But I do think it's an interesting question.

And I ask a lot of parents that question all the time.

why did I want this person to come into my life? Why did I want this little human to come into my life? Because before a child arrives, you don't really know them.

You imagine them, you dream about them, you create a picture while, especially for mums, while they're in your tummy, but you don't know them.

And when this little human arrives and they arrive, themselves, completely themselves.

They have their own nervous system, their own temperaments, sensitivities, interests, strengths, vulnerabilities, ways of connecting, ways of disconnecting, communicating, ways of experiencing the world.

They are definitely authentic.

And I think that's extraordinary.