315 - REPLAY: A Divorce Dad’s Guide To Handling Bad Mouthing And Lies

Okay, so handling bad mouthing and lies.

First, I just want to say that if your ex or soon-to-be ex is doing anything like this, it is a significant sign that they've got some significant mental emotional issues going on.

And I'll just also say, fellas, if this is something that you're doing, stop it.

just stop it right now.

First and foremost, your children identify themselves with each parent.

So it doesn't matter how egregious anybody's actions are, they still identify themselves.

So they take part of who they are and their personality from each of their parents.

So literally, if you're bad-mouthing your ex, you are bad-mouthing your children.

It's just no different than if you are telling them that they're dumb or they're stupid or anything like that, if you're saying that about their mother.

So don't do it.

Now, if it is happening to you, you know, parental alienation is, it's a distressing experience.

And, you know, when we're divorced dads and we're looking forward to our parenting time and discovering that our children have been exposed to negative comments, lies, or alienation or alienating behavior from our ex is really heartbreaking.

I know many The first times that I heard it, it just made my heart sink to have my daughters come and ask me those questions.

However, it's crucial to handle these situations with care and a strategic approach, and that's in order to maintain a healthy relationship with your child.

That is the ultimate goal, is to maintain that healthy relationship.

So here are some practical tips to help you navigate these challenging waters.

Before we get into the tips, let me help you understand what parental alienation is.

Parental alienation occurs when one parent deliberately attempts to distance the child from the other parent through negative remarks, lies, or manipulation.

This behavior can damage the child's perception of the targeted parent and strain the relationship.

So some of the signs of alienation are unjustified anger or hostility from your child.

Repetition of negative statements made by the other parent, that would look like, particularly in younger children, them saying stuff that they would otherwise have no idea or wouldn't come out of a child's mouth or wouldn't be age appropriate for a child to say.

Another is reluctance or refusal to spend time with you, particularly if this just happened out of the blue.

Now, kids transitioning and saying things like, oh, I miss mommy or I miss daddy is pretty common.

And that's actually healthy and that's understandable.

But if they're reluctant or they're just flat out refusing to spend time, then that is definitely a sign to pay attention to.