1698: Expectations vs reality

Now, I am somebody who has struggled with high expectations my whole life, and when I say I've struggled with it, I mean that I build something up into my head to such a fabulous height that the reality rarely comes close.

And then when I do do the thing, rather than enjoying being in the moment and enjoying all the things that I didn't expect, I often found myself instead focusing on all the ways it didn't meet what I thought it would be, and I just really ended up disappointed.

Now, one of the things I really hoped I'd get out of our long-term travel experiment was a new way of thinking about expectations or just to change this kind of wonky thinking, because I realized that kind of instead of wearing rose-tinted glasses, I was wearing shit-tinted glasses, and it just wasn't much fun.

And I think the biggest thing I've learned is that the before and the during are two completely different things.

The anticipation stage is so much different to the living in it stage, and it's okay if they both look different.

For example, before we went traveling, I spent so long looking up each place we would go to, mapping out everything, and when we got there, I really enjoyed going down the random side streets, and the things that brought me the most joy were things that probably didn't appear on many of the lists I'd made, and in fact, I forgot that I'd made most of them.

And the same with our recent move to Liverpool.

I have thoroughly enjoyed putting Pinterest boards together, thinking about all the things I'm gonna make, and I have this vision of our really cozy flat, and now that I'm in it, the fact that it's not really cozy already and I don't have my dreamy gallery walls does not bother me one bit.

I am sat here.

We haven't got lampshades yet.

We've got a couple of lamps which are kind of playing musical chairs based on where we are, and I'm really, really happy.

And I think the thing here is that one doesn't invalidate the other.

The Pinterest boards, the research, the anticipation, I really got to savor that in the build-up, and because I don't have such a fixed view on what I think my life should look like at this exact moment and what the flat should look like at this exact moment, I'm actually really able to enjoy where I am right now without picking holes in it.

So if, like me, you struggle with expectations and reality meeting those expectations, what if it is a case of they are two separate processes? One does not negate the other.

In fact, I think they complement each other really well.

I know there was a research study done where people enjoy planning their holiday nearly if not more than the holiday itself, and we get to enjoy the anticipation and the build-up and the excitement.

And we can also enjoy and get curious about the unexpected joys that might be waiting on the other side of the actual thing that we don't even know about.

Now, I am somebody who has struggled with high expectations my whole life, and when I say I've struggled with it, I mean that I build something up into my head to such a fabulous height that the reality rarely comes close.

And then when I do do the thing, rather than enjoying being in the moment and enjoying all the things that I didn't expect, I often found myself instead focusing on all the ways it didn't meet what I thought it would be, and I just really ended up disappointed.

Now, one of the things I really hoped I'd get out of our long-term travel experiment was a new way of thinking about expectations or just to change this kind of wonky thinking, because I realized that kind of instead of wearing rose-tinted glasses, I was wearing shit-tinted glasses, and it just wasn't much fun.

And I think the biggest thing I've learned is that the before and the during are two completely different things.

The anticipation stage is so much different to the living in it stage, and it's okay if they both look different.

For example, before we went traveling, I spent so long looking up each place we would go to, mapping out everything, and when we got there, I really enjoyed going down the random side streets, and the things that brought me the most joy were things that probably didn't appear on many of the lists I'd made, and in fact, I forgot that I'd made most of them.

And the same with our recent move to Liverpool.

I have thoroughly enjoyed putting Pinterest boards together, thinking about all the things I'm gonna make, and I have this vision of our really cozy flat, and now that I'm in it, the fact that it's not really cozy already and I don't have my dreamy gallery walls does not bother me one bit.

I am sat here.

We haven't got lampshades yet.

We've got a couple of lamps which are kind of playing musical chairs based on where we are, and I'm really, really happy.

And I think the thing here is that one doesn't invalidate the other.

The Pinterest boards, the research, the anticipation, I really got to savor that in the build-up, and because I don't have such a fixed view on what I think my life should look like at this exact moment and what the flat should look like at this exact moment, I'm actually really able to enjoy where I am right now without picking holes in it.

So if, like me, you struggle with expectations and reality meeting those expectations, what if it is a case of they are two separate processes? One does not negate the other.

In fact, I think they complement each other really well.

I know there was a research study done where people enjoy planning their holiday nearly if not more than the holiday itself, and we get to enjoy the anticipation and the build-up and the excitement.

And we can also enjoy and get curious about the unexpected joys that might be waiting on the other side of the actual thing that we don't even know about.