Aug 25, 2026 · 29 min · 9 segments
The black sheep of the family is often labeled the problem, the difficult one, the source of conflict. This episode makes the case for the opposite: the black sheep is typically the family member who…
Lorin KrennHost
Whereas in truth, they are simply the one who refuse to participate in a toxic family dynamic and system.
What is a toxic family system? It is one where each child or family member has a specific role and function that they need to fulfill.
For instance, they need to appease or validate or regulate a certain family member, perhaps a narcissistic father, a narcissistic mother, or a narcissistic sibling who dominates and controls the family somehow psychologically and emotionally.
Rather than being loved and cherished for who you truly are, you're only here to serve a function.
A narcissistic parent or sibling or family member has a very fragile sense of self.
Instead of viewing you or others as separate and other people with their own inner world desires, wants and needs, you are an extension of them.
So when you no longer fulfill that role, which is unfair and doesn't allow you to be who you truly are, then the toxic family system will push back in order to restore the function that you once provided.
The golden child is the one who does everything right in the eyes of the narcissistic parent or family member who controls the toxic family system and dynamic.
The golden child gets praised because the narcissistic family member is praising themselves by praising the golden child.
It has nothing to do with true love, true admiration, true respect and care, and everything with being proud of the extension they've built of themselves.
As the black sheep, as the one who stepped out of fulfilling that function or is on the journey of no longer being in that role that drains your soul, that doesn't allow you to be who you truly are in this life.
It can be incredibly hard to understand why you get punished for speaking your truth.
Why you get punished for setting healthy and understandable basic needed boundaries.
Why you are asserting yourself and your rightful space and belonging in this world without someone else's control or narrative or belief system or story that they have created about you.
Why do you get punished? for being the one who's truthful? Why do you get punished for calling something out that is dysfunctional and unhealthy? Why do you get punished as the healthy one, the sane one, the one who actually says, wait a moment, what is going on? This is not right.
Whereas in truth, they are simply the one who refuse to participate in a toxic family dynamic and system.
What is a toxic family system? It is one where each child or family member has a specific role and function that they need to fulfill.
For instance, they need to appease or validate or regulate a certain family member, perhaps a narcissistic father, a narcissistic mother, or a narcissistic sibling who dominates and controls the family somehow psychologically and emotionally.
Rather than being loved and cherished for who you truly are, you're only here to serve a function.
A narcissistic parent or sibling or family member has a very fragile sense of self.
Instead of viewing you or others as separate and other people with their own inner world desires, wants and needs, you are an extension of them.
So when you no longer fulfill that role, which is unfair and doesn't allow you to be who you truly are, then the toxic family system will push back in order to restore the function that you once provided.
The golden child is the one who does everything right in the eyes of the narcissistic parent or family member who controls the toxic family system and dynamic.
The golden child gets praised because the narcissistic family member is praising themselves by praising the golden child.
It has nothing to do with true love, true admiration, true respect and care, and everything with being proud of the extension they've built of themselves.
As the black sheep, as the one who stepped out of fulfilling that function or is on the journey of no longer being in that role that drains your soul, that doesn't allow you to be who you truly are in this life.
It can be incredibly hard to understand why you get punished for speaking your truth.
Why you get punished for setting healthy and understandable basic needed boundaries.
Why you are asserting yourself and your rightful space and belonging in this world without someone else's control or narrative or belief system or story that they have created about you.
Why do you get punished? for being the one who's truthful? Why do you get punished for calling something out that is dysfunctional and unhealthy? Why do you get punished as the healthy one, the sane one, the one who actually says, wait a moment, what is going on? This is not right.
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