The Real Question Hiding Behind "Is It Over"

There are so many places where the question, is it over, comes up.

It could be something that you're thinking about and that the other person doesn't even have awareness of yet.

It could be because the other person has said that they've had enough.

and they're moving out, that the relationship is over and it's time to move on.

But maybe you're not there yet.

It could be because you have been stuck in the same cycle for decades and you've tried all of the tools in the book.

You've tried the therapy, tried the couples therapy, you've tried screaming at each other, you've tried saying nothing at all.

And it just seems like moving out or saying that the relationship is over is the only natural next choice.

The biggest challenge that we face though is how do we figure out if this is the right decision? Is it temporary? Is it something that the other person needs to know about that I'm wondering these questions? Or how do I even listen to the other person? If they're the one raising this really heartbreaking topic and I'm just not there yet, it's the transition stage.

And it's so hard to navigate because our nervous system is addicted to predictability.

So when we start looking at the future and trying to wonder what on earth that would look like when the most important piece of the puzzle often is the actions of another person and And when we realize that we don't have control over the actions of that person and that leaves us in a position where we have to make a decision about our future that we probably didn't want to be making, whether that's what do I do next or do I fight for this relationship or do I leave, it still has such a huge element of uncertainty.

And often the biggest challenge is the resentment that comes with the fact that we have to sit in this uncertainty at all.

It's awful.

Nobody signs up for a relationship expecting, okay, time's up, time to move on.

Everyone, whether it's a one week long relationship or decades long, goes into it with hope, possibility, and the plan for a future that may be possible, probable, or expected.

And so trying to figure out what to do next when uncertainty is at the table is heartbreaking, and it can create a lot of resentment.

And if you've listened to my podcast on the resentment and defensive cycle, you're already going to know that resentment is one of the biggest blocks to allowing us to have the curiosity and the self-compassion that we really need to know what to do next.

So today I'm going to help you, help your body and help all your relationships drop back into some really simple tools that are going to allow you to know what to do next without resentment.