Are You Building a Close-Knit Family or a High-Performing Team? Here's Why You Can't Have Both.

So let me tell you about my client, Marilyn.

Marilyn ran a cleaning services company for residential and commercial clients and she had a small tight-knit team of eight people and her very first employee I remember her telling me was a close friend and then a couple of others soon came from people in her personal circle and As she reflected on how she built her business, she said to me, you know, I didn't set out specifically to hire people I knew.

It just kind of evolved that way, you know, the way these things so often do, especially when you first start a business.

Now, as a leader, Marilyn wanted everyone to feel like they belonged, like they were cared for.

And You know, that's both admirable and understandable.

And it's also, if you're not careful, exactly how you end up building something you cannot unwind.

And here's what I mean when I say that.

There's a difference.

I say this to people all the time that I'm working with students, clients.

There is a very distinct difference between being friends and being friendly with your team members when you're the person that they're reporting to.

So when that line disappears, when you're promoting the idea that your team should function like a family, it feels good, especially early on.

It creates the sense that you're building loyalty, but it also comes with a cost you don't typically see until much later.

Marilyn talked about one of her team members who had been with her Almost from the beginning, she knew everything about that person's life.

You know, the financial challenges at home, the things going on with their kids.

She had another team member who was managing an ongoing health issue.

She was, as she described it to me, all up in their business.

And because of that, she found it nearly impossible to lead them.

To add to this situation, Marilyn was also having performance issues with these employees.

Clients complained of cleaning standards that weren't being met.

One of the employees chronically missed shifts or asked for shifts to be changed because she was dealing with issues outside of work.

There always seemed to be something and Marilyn had been reluctant to address these things directly, especially when these same team members thanked her for being such a good boss, for being such a good friend, and for being so understanding.

Predictably, other team members noticed, and these team members were frustrated that the performance issues weren't being addressed.

When a client's home needed to be cleaned and that unreliable team member couldn't fill yet another shift, It wasn't that team member who couldn't make the shift who absorbed the consequence.

It was the dependable ones who Marilyn asked yet again to make an exception and extend their shift so this gap with the client could be covered.

Meanwhile, Marilyn herself was picking up jobs just to get them done.