Aug 12, 2026 · 21 min · 15 segments
For years, parents have been told to talk to their children about their feelings. But what if talking isn't always what children need most? In this episode of The Child Psych Podcast, child…
Tammy SchamuhnHostTanya JohnsonHostJack MyersHostTim SpanglerHost
And I know there's been, in the last 10 years, a big surge of like name it to tame it.
That came from, uh, the No-Drama Discipline by Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson, which is an excellent read.
And then there was a book that came out a couple years ago called Bad Therapy that really discussed like why over-talking with kids about emotions can actually make things worse.
So we thought we would address this with people, of being like how much should we be talking to our kids about their feelings? When is it appropriate? When is it not appropriate? How do we kinda like titrate that? Because I think there's gotta be a middle ground here.
And then I can see how the pendulum has swung to the other way, where it's constantly, like almost like a therapy session, you're constantly checking in with feelings and constantly monitoring feelings.
So I think we've just gotta find some kind of like middle ground here with, with our kiddos.
I, I th- I think over the last 10 years the buzzword has been validation with our kids, but I think it's really, really, really, really important, just to jump right in here, is that healthy kids experience sadness, disappointment, frustration, jealousy, embarrassment, all of the feelings.
So when our kids are well, it's not that it's the absence of them feeling distressed, it's that they're able to actually reflect, bounce back when they're ready.
And I think somewhere along the line in all of this talk about our kids' feelings, there's also a little bit of an undercurrent of us trying to almost, um, remove those uncomfortable feelings for our kids.
Like if we talk about generations of parents, like we think about our, like my grandparents and even my parents being uncomfortable with talking about feelings, right? If we grew up where maybe our emotions weren't validated and no one made space for our feelings, it's like we want so desperately for our kids to feel felt, 'cause we felt invisible, right? But there's ...
No one really showed us how to do that, so it's almost like parents overdo it.
Like we think as parents maybe we're comforting our kids and we're giving them what we didn't get when we were little, but actually we're just really nervous about their feelings and we're just trying to make them go away, but that's not ...
And I know there's been, in the last 10 years, a big surge of like name it to tame it.
That came from, uh, the No-Drama Discipline by Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson, which is an excellent read.
And then there was a book that came out a couple years ago called Bad Therapy that really discussed like why over-talking with kids about emotions can actually make things worse.
So we thought we would address this with people, of being like how much should we be talking to our kids about their feelings? When is it appropriate? When is it not appropriate? How do we kinda like titrate that? Because I think there's gotta be a middle ground here.
And then I can see how the pendulum has swung to the other way, where it's constantly, like almost like a therapy session, you're constantly checking in with feelings and constantly monitoring feelings.
So I think we've just gotta find some kind of like middle ground here with, with our kiddos.
I, I th- I think over the last 10 years the buzzword has been validation with our kids, but I think it's really, really, really, really important, just to jump right in here, is that healthy kids experience sadness, disappointment, frustration, jealousy, embarrassment, all of the feelings.
So when our kids are well, it's not that it's the absence of them feeling distressed, it's that they're able to actually reflect, bounce back when they're ready.
And I think somewhere along the line in all of this talk about our kids' feelings, there's also a little bit of an undercurrent of us trying to almost, um, remove those uncomfortable feelings for our kids.
Like if we talk about generations of parents, like we think about our, like my grandparents and even my parents being uncomfortable with talking about feelings, right? If we grew up where maybe our emotions weren't validated and no one made space for our feelings, it's like we want so desperately for our kids to feel felt, 'cause we felt invisible, right? But there's ...
No one really showed us how to do that, so it's almost like parents overdo it.
Like we think as parents maybe we're comforting our kids and we're giving them what we didn't get when we were little, but actually we're just really nervous about their feelings and we're just trying to make them go away, but that's not ...
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3 of 10
Stop Talking Feelings So Much
A popular parenting strategy may need reconsideration.
Trust Children With Hard Things
Children build resilience by discovering inner strength.
Distress Is Not Dysfunction
Healthy children still experience deeply uncomfortable emotions.
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