How to practically use part work with Mike

I did get a ton of questions about ED recovery specifically, and I'm sure Mike could answer with his wisdom, but I'm gonna save those for a solo pod.

So the first question from the lovely Jen, that is about the part work me and Mike discussed last time.

She says, "How do you access a compassionate parent part to re-parent the child part?" Then she goes on to share a little bit more.

"My rational, introspective part is quite strong, and I can understand and easily feel empathy for other people, but when it comes to my inner child, either I'm emotionally hijacked or another part, maybe a, a protector that reminds me of my dad," that's interesting, "is annoyed, ashamed, disgusted by the immature part.

Examples of situations when this happens: when I'm experiencing or anticipating rejection; when I feel invisible, not understood, and not seen; when others expect more than I can give, which brings resentment, especially towards my mom." So Mike, what comes up for you when you first, like, receive that question?

Yeah, I mean, I, I really like this question, and I think there's a lot of wisdom in it.

The Jen who's asking it seems to have a decent understanding of, like, this parts work, that we have multiple parts in us.

Often children, some are protectors who are generally quite young, but they can mimic very often parents.

So that the protector she mentioned that reminds her of her dad, very common, very-

Mm

... understandable.

So the fact that there's a protector coming in that reminds her of her dad is, is a very natural response.

As we grow up, we learn ways of being, and one of the primary people in our lives are our parents.

And so if they treat us a certain way, and sometimes it's very subtle, then we'll have this protector part that comes up that mimics that because that feels like safety in kind of a, a weird way.

Your system thinks like, "Oh, I have to look down on myself.

I have to just, like, be annoyed, dis- dis- disgusted by the immature part because that's what Dad did, and that's, like it's not safe to have this y- young, immature child part," right? And so I guess my first thought is just that that, all of that makes a lot of sense.

For the first question, how do you access the compassionate parent part to re- re-parent the child, or in parts work we would call, like, the parent part just self.

Like, this is the, the me who's not a part, like my true self, and the, the inner child is, um, often what we call an exile, so it's a hurt inner part that's been kind of pushed into a corner.

It can be a little difficult, and you have to have a lot of patience with yourself and, and with the process, but it's sort of getting permission from your parts.

And so you're feeling this one that she called the immature part, and then the other one comes in, and it's kind of like about you're, you're trying to allow both to be, which seems a little paradoxical, right? But this, this sort of, uh, critical one, a protector, this one that feels annoyed or disgusted, turn to that one in that moment and offer some listening and like, "Okay, t- tell me why do you feel this way about this other one? Why are you feeling annoyed, disgusted?" And just let that one talk and ask that part really is, "What are you afraid would happen?" So ask the part, like, "What, what's the fear that's coming up for you that want- that wants you to stop me from going to this other part or from allowing the other part to be?" And so yeah, it can be really tricky because it's difficult sometimes to distinguish self from parts, but the difference often is, like, in self, you're just...

There's no agenda really.

You're not trying to achieve anything or get anywhere.

You're really just there to listen, and so it's like compassionate listening, even to the critical mean ones, right? Those aren't bad parts either, and the immature one that shows up is also not bad.

And so it's kind of about allowing both and, and taking turns with each one.

So if that protector comes up, talk to the protector.