Aug 12, 2026 · 9 min · 12 segments
If your avoidant ex says they want to be friends after the break up, what does that mean? Do they still have feelings for you or are they trying to make the break up easier? In this video I explain…
And that's not usually the reality.
Avoidance don't suddenly stop caring.
Many of them are going to miss you.
Many will think about you and many still love you.
The problem.
is that feelings and capacity are not the same thing, which means that someone can care deeply about you and still not feel capable of maintaining the emotional vulnerability that a relationship needs.
And that's why for so many avoidance, they prefer friendship because friendship allows them to keep an emotional connection to you without exposing themselves to the emotional intensity that made them feel overwhelmed in the relationship.
And it also allows them to maintain the independence that they crave, which helps to reduce their feelings of shame or guilt over the breakup.
And they may also want to retain the benefits of your presence, such as validation, without the expectations of a commitment.
So yes, your avoidant probably still has feelings, but that doesn't automatically mean they're ready or able to be your partner.
And that's not usually the reality.
Avoidance don't suddenly stop caring.
Many of them are going to miss you.
Many will think about you and many still love you.
The problem.
is that feelings and capacity are not the same thing, which means that someone can care deeply about you and still not feel capable of maintaining the emotional vulnerability that a relationship needs.
And that's why for so many avoidance, they prefer friendship because friendship allows them to keep an emotional connection to you without exposing themselves to the emotional intensity that made them feel overwhelmed in the relationship.
And it also allows them to maintain the independence that they crave, which helps to reduce their feelings of shame or guilt over the breakup.
And they may also want to retain the benefits of your presence, such as validation, without the expectations of a commitment.
So yes, your avoidant probably still has feelings, but that doesn't automatically mean they're ready or able to be your partner.
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