Sep 16, 2026 · 14 min · 13 segments
There's one emotion that can change the way your ex sees the breakup, and make them question whether walking away was a mistake.I In this episode, I explain how this emotion develops in an avoidant…
Okay, so what is this emotion that will make an avoidant come back? This emotion is regret.
And I'm not talking about regretting that the relationship ended.
I'm talking about regretting their decision to end it.
And those are not the same thing.
Your ex can miss talking to you, sleeping next to you, your sense of humor, your support, your friendship, and still think, I miss them, but breaking up was the right decision.
Regret is when that starts to change.
Maybe breaking up wasn't the right decision.
What if I made a mistake? And then eventually, what if I lost them? But with an avoidant, it doesn't happen immediately.
It happens in stages.
So your avoidant ex will initially feel relief after the breakup.
That doesn't necessarily mean they didn't love you.
But if the relationship had become emotionally intense, there was a lot of conflict if they were feeling pressured then ending it remove the pressure so you immediately experience the loss of the relationship while they may initially experience the absence of pressure That's why chasing and avoidant during the stage is counterproductive.
You're bringing the emotional pressure right back.
But something interesting happens when you don't do that.
As the pressure fades, their memories of the relationship can begin to change.
Okay, so what is this emotion that will make an avoidant come back? This emotion is regret.
And I'm not talking about regretting that the relationship ended.
I'm talking about regretting their decision to end it.
And those are not the same thing.
Your ex can miss talking to you, sleeping next to you, your sense of humor, your support, your friendship, and still think, I miss them, but breaking up was the right decision.
Regret is when that starts to change.
Maybe breaking up wasn't the right decision.
What if I made a mistake? And then eventually, what if I lost them? But with an avoidant, it doesn't happen immediately.
It happens in stages.
So your avoidant ex will initially feel relief after the breakup.
That doesn't necessarily mean they didn't love you.
But if the relationship had become emotionally intense, there was a lot of conflict if they were feeling pressured then ending it remove the pressure so you immediately experience the loss of the relationship while they may initially experience the absence of pressure That's why chasing and avoidant during the stage is counterproductive.
You're bringing the emotional pressure right back.
But something interesting happens when you don't do that.
As the pressure fades, their memories of the relationship can begin to change.
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