Jun 3, 2026 · 39 min · 7 segments
Six years ago, Elisa's husband told her he was leaving their marriage for another woman. In the original three-part "Elisa's Story" series, she shared the raw experience of that first year: the shock…
Tim TedderHost
It sounds like one of the things that you might say to that five, six-year-old version of yourself might be, hey, all this stress that you're putting on and meeting this other woman, it's going to be okay.
Are you aware of anything else that you would have said to that version of you from the perspective you are now? I mean, my impression was, because I walked through a lot of this stuff with you, I know it's difficult.
But you did admirably well in trying to deal with all the things that were hitting you and make the choices that were good choices for you and for your boys.
But I'm just wondering from your perspective, is there anything else that you think, yeah, I wish I'd done that differently or would tell that person?
I mean, I think we talked about this a little bit the last time, but I know that I had some hard moments with the kids where I was really emotional.
And I do wish that I had been able to shield them from my pain better.
All the interactions in those early years, I always think year one was the year that we had split up but hadn't been divorced, which was when we had our last conversations.
And then year two is year one of divorce.
Year three is year two of divorce.
And I always think really the first three years, every interaction with him was so triggering.
It wasn't just because I was still processing and dealing with the trauma, but he also was intentionally triggering.
He took a stance that made me his adversary, that made me the villain.
And he treated me that way in our communication, whenever we had to be face to face.
He was really cruel and unnecessarily mean and callous.
Do you have any sense of what motivated that? I mean, how was that to his advantage to be cruel to you, to make you out as a bad person?
I think it was shame.
When he is face to face with me, he is face to face with his failures in accountability and integrity.
And that makes him feel uncomfortable.
And rather than addressing it within himself, he pushes back.
And in order to not take accountability or to acknowledge that he was the problem, he projects it onto me.
Having that perspective helps me now, six years later, handle interactions with him much better.
It sounds like one of the things that you might say to that five, six-year-old version of yourself might be, hey, all this stress that you're putting on and meeting this other woman, it's going to be okay.
Are you aware of anything else that you would have said to that version of you from the perspective you are now? I mean, my impression was, because I walked through a lot of this stuff with you, I know it's difficult.
But you did admirably well in trying to deal with all the things that were hitting you and make the choices that were good choices for you and for your boys.
But I'm just wondering from your perspective, is there anything else that you think, yeah, I wish I'd done that differently or would tell that person?
I mean, I think we talked about this a little bit the last time, but I know that I had some hard moments with the kids where I was really emotional.
And I do wish that I had been able to shield them from my pain better.
All the interactions in those early years, I always think year one was the year that we had split up but hadn't been divorced, which was when we had our last conversations.
And then year two is year one of divorce.
Year three is year two of divorce.
And I always think really the first three years, every interaction with him was so triggering.
It wasn't just because I was still processing and dealing with the trauma, but he also was intentionally triggering.
He took a stance that made me his adversary, that made me the villain.
And he treated me that way in our communication, whenever we had to be face to face.
He was really cruel and unnecessarily mean and callous.
Do you have any sense of what motivated that? I mean, how was that to his advantage to be cruel to you, to make you out as a bad person?
I think it was shame.
When he is face to face with me, he is face to face with his failures in accountability and integrity.
And that makes him feel uncomfortable.
And rather than addressing it within himself, he pushes back.
And in order to not take accountability or to acknowledge that he was the problem, he projects it onto me.
Having that perspective helps me now, six years later, handle interactions with him much better.
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