Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast
Oct 6, 2026 · 49 min · 14 segments
Connection is the heartbeat of a marriage, and without it, a couple can feel like their relationship is slowly dying. In today’s episode of Couples Therapy, we explore the dynamics of connection in…
So what are some things that you have learned to help with connection? Like, anything that you've learned or, or tried or you've heard from somebody that this could be helpful? Is there anything that you've done to this point to try to stay connected?
connected?I think something that I need more work in, but something that we have done, is just been intentional with date ideas and going on dates.
Uh, just 'cause we're married doesn't mean we're not dating.
Um, so that's something that I am trying to be better with, but also something that I realize and something that we have done is just, just an intentional together time where even though we're living with in-laws now, doesn't mean we have to always be, uh, you know, sharing walls with someone else.
We can go somewhere, do something fun, make sure we have that one-on-one time, uh, stuff like that.
Date nights are great and necessary just, just to be able to get out, get away, and do something fun where you're enjoying each other, you're doing a hobby, you're doing something a little bit more light.
Especially when life is stressful most other times, you wanna make sure that you're breaking away to do something fun.
I think the problem is many of us learn that date night is, like, the strategy.
And so we plan date nights and we go do these things, but we're still not feeling totally connected.
Like, we can have a date night, go on a date, have dinner, come home, and still not feel totally connected.
So it's like, what's that missing ingredient? That missing ingredient is emotional connection.
And m- maybe that's what we'll spend some time talking about today, is, uh, when we think about connection, w- w- with, um, my book called Relationship Skills, one of the seasons, there's four seasons in every healthy relationship, and one of the seasons is the season of summer, and summer is all about building connection and intimacy.
There's physical intimacy, there's spiritual intimacy, and there's emotional intimacy.
I think we talk enough in the church at large about the importance of sex in marriage, and we talk, uh, enough about the importance of spiritual connection and spiritual life in marriage.
[laughs]
My mind just goes to, like, deeper conversations.
So what are some things that you have learned to help with connection? Like, anything that you've learned or, or tried or you've heard from somebody that this could be helpful? Is there anything that you've done to this point to try to stay connected?
connected?I think something that I need more work in, but something that we have done, is just been intentional with date ideas and going on dates.
Uh, just 'cause we're married doesn't mean we're not dating.
Um, so that's something that I am trying to be better with, but also something that I realize and something that we have done is just, just an intentional together time where even though we're living with in-laws now, doesn't mean we have to always be, uh, you know, sharing walls with someone else.
We can go somewhere, do something fun, make sure we have that one-on-one time, uh, stuff like that.
Date nights are great and necessary just, just to be able to get out, get away, and do something fun where you're enjoying each other, you're doing a hobby, you're doing something a little bit more light.
Especially when life is stressful most other times, you wanna make sure that you're breaking away to do something fun.
I think the problem is many of us learn that date night is, like, the strategy.
And so we plan date nights and we go do these things, but we're still not feeling totally connected.
Like, we can have a date night, go on a date, have dinner, come home, and still not feel totally connected.
So it's like, what's that missing ingredient? That missing ingredient is emotional connection.
And m- maybe that's what we'll spend some time talking about today, is, uh, when we think about connection, w- w- with, um, my book called Relationship Skills, one of the seasons, there's four seasons in every healthy relationship, and one of the seasons is the season of summer, and summer is all about building connection and intimacy.
There's physical intimacy, there's spiritual intimacy, and there's emotional intimacy.
I think we talk enough in the church at large about the importance of sex in marriage, and we talk, uh, enough about the importance of spiritual connection and spiritual life in marriage.
[laughs]
My mind just goes to, like, deeper conversations.
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