Top 10 Things Narcissists Do When They Know You've Figured Them Out

So now let's get into exactly what these top 10 things are.

Number one, if they suspect you have figured them out, they may switch the cycle into some pretty intense love bombing.

Suddenly, the person who couldn't seem to give you the things you had been asking for remembers exactly how to do them.

They become affectionate, attentive, interested, uh, remorseful, maybe even unusually self-aware.

There may be promises and apologies, gifts, uh, sex, sentimental conversations, um, talk about the future or, uh, unusual declarations about how much you mean to them.

And this can be incredibly powerful and quite tricky to navigate for the target because it appears to confirm what you have desperately wanted to believe.

The person you fell in love with is still in there, and if you're not very careful, you can fall into actually believing that maybe this time they finally understand.

But I want you to pay attention to what triggered the change.

Did the change happen when they understood how deeply their behavior hurt you? Or did it happen when they realized they might lose you? Those are two very different things.

Genuine repair involves accountability, empathy, um, consistent behavioral change, a willingness to do the work even after the immediate crisis has passed.

Love bombing is often about restoring the bond and getting the relationship back into its previous position.

And there is some pretty remarkable irony in spending years asking for someone for basic affection and consideration, being told your expectations are unreasonable, and then discovering those emotional capabilities apparently make a miraculous recovery the minute you have one foot out the door.

The real test isn't how loving someone becomes when they're afraid of losing you.

It's whether the change remains after they believe they have gotten you back again.

So the first thing you can usually expect is some pretty intense love bombing.

Number two, if the love bombing doesn't work, you may start hearing from the narcissist's flying monkeys.

These are people who knowingly or unknowingly are influenced by the narcissist to get involved and essentially carry the message to you that they want you to believe or maybe gather information or apply social pressure on behalf of the narcissist.

Suddenly a friend, uh, a relative, adult child, or, or maybe even just a mutual acquaintance wants to talk.

They tell you the narcissist is truly all of the wonderful things that they want you to believe again, and whatever is going on in your head isn't accurate.

They might remind you that, um, every relationship has problems, or maybe they suggest you're just being a little too sensitive or making too much out of things.

Essentially, the message is everything is fine, you've got some crazy ideas in your head, and everybody would really appreciate it if you would stop disrupting the ecosystem and go back to your assigned seat.

And flying monkeys can be extremely effective, guys, because now social pressure has entered the relationship.

You were finally beginning to trust your own perception, and suddenly several people are telling you that your perception is wrong.

But flying monkeys can also provide something else, and that something else is information.

What are you thinking? What exactly have you figured out? Have you talked to anyone? Are you planning to leave? Are you still emotionally attached? Sometimes the person calling you genuinely believes that they are checking on you and has no idea they are getting information that will eventually make its way back to the narcissist.