The Masks I Wore in Sobriety (And How They Nearly Cost Me Everything)

And i- it's interesting because for a long time, I haven't had a drink since August 12th, 2009, but I had to start my program over back in 2023, and March 26th of 2023, which is my, really my new sober date, my only sober date because I can't be sober and smoke weed, which I've mentioned about a bunch of times on here.

And going through the evolution of the different masks, back to that, that I was wearing throughout the beginning of my sobriety, throughout the midway through my sobriety, just as a few examples.

Like when I first came in the rooms, I always thought I was better than everybody else.

I knew I was an alcoholic.

I knew I had problems, no question about it.

But I couldn't quite identify with everything everybody said, and so therefore it kinda kept me on the outskirts of the program.

I didn't hang out with people because I thought I was better than them, thought I was different than them.

But, but I did get a lot of the promises throughout that first seven years of actively working a 12-step program.

And the-- it's, but it's taken me years to realize who I am and what I stand for and really what my place is in society, and that's because of all the layers of masks that I had on throughout this whole time.

And one of those masks, as an example, that first seven years was that I had it all together.

And look, dude, coming in to recovery, nobody's got it all together or your ass wouldn't be coming into recovery.

You would skip the recovery part if you had it all together.

But I didn't realize that people could see all the way through, that people could, [chuckles] could see through that.

I had no idea.

I thought I was fooling everybody.

Hell, I was even fooling myself.

And the truth of the matter is, I wasn't fooling anybody.

But what it did do is keep me on the outside of the program because I always looked for the differences in me and everybody else opposed to the similarities.

And the truth of the matter is, we're all there for a common reason, and that common reason is to learn how to stop drinking and live a life in recovery.

But I didn't get that my first seven years.

I didn't get the life of recovery part.

I got what's in it for me.

I come to meetings.

My life's getting better.

Getting all the things that I ever could dream of.