Recovery, Ego, and the Masks We Wear

It's interesting when I leaving Raleigh and coming here, I had a bit of a, I had a bit of a identity crisis, if you will.

And because I was this person in the last 25 years in Raleigh that everybody knows who I am.

They know what I do.

They know what I don't do.

Yada, yada, yada.

I'm a pretty open book.

But coming here, people don't know who I am.

And so I kind of got caught with this a bit of an identity crisis when I got here.

Like, who do I need to show up as? And who do I not need to show up as? And this old mindset that I used to have around having so many different identities, especially when I was not in recovery.

I woke up one day and didn't realize who the hell I was.

And so coming here, I go to meetings and sometimes I share and sometimes I don't share.

And so I kind of struggled with Well, how do people share here and what do they share and how do they go about their recovery? And the truth of the matter is it really doesn't matter what people share about and what they don't share about and what's what I think I should share and what I shouldn't share.

I share when it's time for me to share.

And for me, as long as I share authentically and genuinely, then it's the thing I need to share.

I don't know if it made any sense.

Point is, it's like I overthink so many things.

I overthink everything.

And I got away from that for the longest time.

And I was pretty much at peace with not overthinking everything, but coming here and shifting everything over from one city to the next and then not knowing anybody at I kind of got caught up in those old patterns a little bit.

Now I've only been here a week, so it's not like I've slipped too far down the, I don't even know what example I was trying to give you.

I haven't, I've only been here a week, so it's not like it's that big of a deal.

But the point is, is I just thought it was weird that after doing the work that I've done in really figuring out who I am, what I want that I get down here.

And then I'm like confused about who I am and what I want.

And that's weird.

It's a weird spot to be in.

It's interesting when I leaving Raleigh and coming here, I had a bit of a, I had a bit of a identity crisis, if you will.

And because I was this person in the last 25 years in Raleigh that everybody knows who I am.

They know what I do.

They know what I don't do.

Yada, yada, yada.

I'm a pretty open book.

But coming here, people don't know who I am.

And so I kind of got caught with this a bit of an identity crisis when I got here.

Like, who do I need to show up as? And who do I not need to show up as? And this old mindset that I used to have around having so many different identities, especially when I was not in recovery.

I woke up one day and didn't realize who the hell I was.

And so coming here, I go to meetings and sometimes I share and sometimes I don't share.

And so I kind of struggled with Well, how do people share here and what do they share and how do they go about their recovery? And the truth of the matter is it really doesn't matter what people share about and what they don't share about and what's what I think I should share and what I shouldn't share.

I share when it's time for me to share.

And for me, as long as I share authentically and genuinely, then it's the thing I need to share.

I don't know if it made any sense.

Point is, it's like I overthink so many things.

I overthink everything.

And I got away from that for the longest time.

And I was pretty much at peace with not overthinking everything, but coming here and shifting everything over from one city to the next and then not knowing anybody at I kind of got caught up in those old patterns a little bit.

Now I've only been here a week, so it's not like I've slipped too far down the, I don't even know what example I was trying to give you.

I haven't, I've only been here a week, so it's not like it's that big of a deal.

But the point is, is I just thought it was weird that after doing the work that I've done in really figuring out who I am, what I want that I get down here.

And then I'm like confused about who I am and what I want.

And that's weird.

It's a weird spot to be in.