Aug 30, 2026 · 48 min · 13 segments
What actually makes us happy, and why do some things we think will make us happier fail to deliver? Sonja Lyubomirsky is one of the world’s leading researchers on the science of happiness. A…
Sonja LyubomirskyGuestSimonHostSoniaHostSonia, if someone has just hit play on this and we give them a scenario where they can either take a million dollars or they can choose to be loved by the people around them, which one do you think they would choose?
A million bucks! But most people just, I think that most people think they could have both, right? They're like, I could have a million dollars and everything else.
And maybe I would too, you know, it's so powerful in our society, right? The lure of money and what can buy you, right?
So that's clearly the wrong thing to do.
Why do we make the wrong choice when it comes to that scenario?
It's such an interesting question, actually, because you think that after many experiences, we would learn.
Because the thing about money is money actually does make people happier, right? It just depends on where you are.
If it prevents you from being poor, absolutely, a million dollars is going to change your life, right? But if you have enough to be comfortable, then more money...
you know, makes you happy temporarily, right? And then you adapt and you adjust and then you just want more and more.
Whereas feeling loved, connection, relationships is a lot more nourishing, right? That's something that really is the secret to happiness, right? After many, many years of research, you know, I and other researchers have discovered that it's really feeling loved and feeling connected is what truly makes us happy.
And that's something that's durable, right? It's not something we just sort of adapt and then we want more.
But with money, we step on what's called the hedonic treadmill, but we don't step on the hedonic treadmill when it comes to love.
Okay, explain what the hedonic treadmill is and hedonic adaption for us.
Basically, hedonic adaptation is this capacity of human beings to get used to most positive changes in our lives, right? So we buy new shoes and we're like really excited about the new shoes.
And then after a while, right, we just get used to them and then we just want another pair of shoes.
But that also goes for a new car, a new apartment, a new job, sometimes even a new relationship.
And you could argue that it's evolutionarily adaptive for humans to always want more.
You know, it's like we're hardwired to like never be totally satisfied with what we have.
Maybe otherwise we wouldn't have made progress if we kind of just, I don't know, just were satisfied and like didn't pursue further goals.
Sonia, if someone has just hit play on this and we give them a scenario where they can either take a million dollars or they can choose to be loved by the people around them, which one do you think they would choose?
A million bucks! But most people just, I think that most people think they could have both, right? They're like, I could have a million dollars and everything else.
And maybe I would too, you know, it's so powerful in our society, right? The lure of money and what can buy you, right?
So that's clearly the wrong thing to do.
Why do we make the wrong choice when it comes to that scenario?
It's such an interesting question, actually, because you think that after many experiences, we would learn.
Because the thing about money is money actually does make people happier, right? It just depends on where you are.
If it prevents you from being poor, absolutely, a million dollars is going to change your life, right? But if you have enough to be comfortable, then more money...
you know, makes you happy temporarily, right? And then you adapt and you adjust and then you just want more and more.
Whereas feeling loved, connection, relationships is a lot more nourishing, right? That's something that really is the secret to happiness, right? After many, many years of research, you know, I and other researchers have discovered that it's really feeling loved and feeling connected is what truly makes us happy.
And that's something that's durable, right? It's not something we just sort of adapt and then we want more.
But with money, we step on what's called the hedonic treadmill, but we don't step on the hedonic treadmill when it comes to love.
Okay, explain what the hedonic treadmill is and hedonic adaption for us.
Basically, hedonic adaptation is this capacity of human beings to get used to most positive changes in our lives, right? So we buy new shoes and we're like really excited about the new shoes.
And then after a while, right, we just get used to them and then we just want another pair of shoes.
But that also goes for a new car, a new apartment, a new job, sometimes even a new relationship.
And you could argue that it's evolutionarily adaptive for humans to always want more.
You know, it's like we're hardwired to like never be totally satisfied with what we have.
Maybe otherwise we wouldn't have made progress if we kind of just, I don't know, just were satisfied and like didn't pursue further goals.
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