How to Build Deeper Intimacy

You just said so many things that I could touch on there.

Like, it's interesting, right? Because we know, men or women, we know, okay, we're getting older.

I can't do the things that I used to do the way I used to do them in general.

I need more of that.

I need more of this in general, right? But I feel like it's such a soft – it's such a sensitive – point where when we feel like we're failing in that area, it's just such an attack on our youth, on our vibrancy, on who we were.

And like you said, you know, who am I now? Now, my question...

is this, the people that come to you that you would say, have you discussed this with your partner? You know, and they're saying, well, no, right? Are these couples generally good at communicating around a lot of other things, but sex is still a sensitive point? Or oftentimes are you finding that these are couples that don't have potentially the open communication about feelings, about needs in life, period, beyond sex?

So the biggest pain point that I have are generally women who will come in and everything else is perfect.

So they're able to talk about everything else except the sex.

Do you think that's because and do you think that tough spot is because it's a reflection internally or because they're concerned about how this is going to make their partner feel or perhaps, I guess, possibly a combination of the two, right? A hundred percent both.

And what would you say to do? Give us an advice statement right

now.

I wish it was that easy, Candice.

I do wish it was that easy.

But women especially, we're really socialized that if we want pleasure, then we are in some way a Jezebel.

You know, women are not supposed to prioritize our own pleasure in any...

Big tramp.

Right? In any aspect of life.

We are supposed to martyr ourselves.

We're supposed to outsource everything.

We're supposed to be there for everybody else and do those things.

So to have that conversation, like you said, it is partly shame because they go, I don't even know if I'm supposed to want pleasure like this.

Then how do I even have the language when everybody told me that... growing up and being socialized as a woman that a good woman doesn't want sex only the slutty people want sex and that's a bad thing to be so how dare I even want that for myself and then again on top of that if I go to my partner two things happen if I go to my partner and I say I want more they're going to think they're not doing enough or they're going to think that I'm the woman they shouldn't have brought home to mama and

You can't be both.

You can't be both.

You just said so many things that I could touch on there.

Like, it's interesting, right? Because we know, men or women, we know, okay, we're getting older.

I can't do the things that I used to do the way I used to do them in general.

I need more of that.

I need more of this in general, right? But I feel like it's such a soft – it's such a sensitive – point where when we feel like we're failing in that area, it's just such an attack on our youth, on our vibrancy, on who we were.

And like you said, you know, who am I now? Now, my question...

is this, the people that come to you that you would say, have you discussed this with your partner? You know, and they're saying, well, no, right? Are these couples generally good at communicating around a lot of other things, but sex is still a sensitive point? Or oftentimes are you finding that these are couples that don't have potentially the open communication about feelings, about needs in life, period, beyond sex?

So the biggest pain point that I have are generally women who will come in and everything else is perfect.

So they're able to talk about everything else except the sex.

Do you think that's because and do you think that tough spot is because it's a reflection internally or because they're concerned about how this is going to make their partner feel or perhaps, I guess, possibly a combination of the two, right? A hundred percent both.

And what would you say to do? Give us an advice statement right

now.

I wish it was that easy, Candice.

I do wish it was that easy.

But women especially, we're really socialized that if we want pleasure, then we are in some way a Jezebel.

You know, women are not supposed to prioritize our own pleasure in any...

Big tramp.

Right? In any aspect of life.

We are supposed to martyr ourselves.

We're supposed to outsource everything.

We're supposed to be there for everybody else and do those things.

So to have that conversation, like you said, it is partly shame because they go, I don't even know if I'm supposed to want pleasure like this.

Then how do I even have the language when everybody told me that... growing up and being socialized as a woman that a good woman doesn't want sex only the slutty people want sex and that's a bad thing to be so how dare I even want that for myself and then again on top of that if I go to my partner two things happen if I go to my partner and I say I want more they're going to think they're not doing enough or they're going to think that I'm the woman they shouldn't have brought home to mama and

You can't be both.

You can't be both.