Feb 4, 2026 · 4 hr 38 min · 18 segments
Most people aren’t bad at dating, they’re just trying to solve the wrong problem. We treat dating like a personality test (“Am I attractive enough? Confident enough?”) when it’s actually a multi-stage…
Mark MansonHostDrew BirnieHostNo entities detected.
[laughs] [upbeat music] All right, to set expectations with this episode, which, hint, hint, setting expectations is gonna be a very important thing later on, we are going to start with some of the evolutionary science.
And it is one of the few areas of psychology that you do see very marked differences between men and women, how they approach it and how they think about it.
So we're gonna spend most of the first hour, hour and a half really exploring what those differences are, what those evolutionary forces are, uh, and essentially, like, why, why there seems to be a battle of the sexes, why, why men and women are, are constantly frustrated with each other, constantly, uh, uh, stereotyping each other, and just, uh, throwing their arms up in the air and being like, "I don't get women," or, "I don't understand men." So we're gonna clear the air on all of that in the first hour or two.
We're gonna lay all the scientific groundwork, get all the evolutionary theory out, because that's what's going to make the back half of the episode make sense.
Once we get into the 10 skills and the three stages of dating, all of what we talk about is going to make sense based on the science that is learned at the front of the episode.
So people, definitely listen to the first half of the episode, because that's going to give you a deep understanding of why the advice that we give in the back half of the episode is effective, is important, and why it works.
So obviously, humans have been, uh, dating, and mating, and copulating for as long as they've existed.
But really, our story starts in the 19th century with Darwin, because Darwin was really the first person to put forth a comprehensive theory of [laughs] why we go through the trouble in the first place.
Like, why is it so hard to attract a mate? Like, you got the texting, and then you gotta buy the gift, and then you gotta, like, figure out where you're gonna take them on the date, and it's like, do we get ice cream or go to a movie? It's like, oh, no, she didn't like the movie.
Like, why is it so fucking complicated when you look across the animal kingdom, and pretty much every other species is just like, "Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am.
Right.
Why is it so hard with humans? Well, it's actually a very interesting story and an interesting theory.
So Darwin really broached this subject in his, uh, 1871 book, The Descent of Man.
So in The Origin of Species, Darwin posited his theory of natural selection, which is basically survival of the fittest, that all of us, every creature, every animal evolves traits and, uh, behaviors that promote survival.
Mm.
But then you start seeing all these exceptions out there, and the exception that he honed in on was the peacock.
Why does the peacock have these gigantic, bright feathers and it can't even fucking fly?
Mm-hmm.
[laughs] [upbeat music] All right, to set expectations with this episode, which, hint, hint, setting expectations is gonna be a very important thing later on, we are going to start with some of the evolutionary science.
And it is one of the few areas of psychology that you do see very marked differences between men and women, how they approach it and how they think about it.
So we're gonna spend most of the first hour, hour and a half really exploring what those differences are, what those evolutionary forces are, uh, and essentially, like, why, why there seems to be a battle of the sexes, why, why men and women are, are constantly frustrated with each other, constantly, uh, uh, stereotyping each other, and just, uh, throwing their arms up in the air and being like, "I don't get women," or, "I don't understand men." So we're gonna clear the air on all of that in the first hour or two.
We're gonna lay all the scientific groundwork, get all the evolutionary theory out, because that's what's going to make the back half of the episode make sense.
Once we get into the 10 skills and the three stages of dating, all of what we talk about is going to make sense based on the science that is learned at the front of the episode.
So people, definitely listen to the first half of the episode, because that's going to give you a deep understanding of why the advice that we give in the back half of the episode is effective, is important, and why it works.
So obviously, humans have been, uh, dating, and mating, and copulating for as long as they've existed.
But really, our story starts in the 19th century with Darwin, because Darwin was really the first person to put forth a comprehensive theory of [laughs] why we go through the trouble in the first place.
Like, why is it so hard to attract a mate? Like, you got the texting, and then you gotta buy the gift, and then you gotta, like, figure out where you're gonna take them on the date, and it's like, do we get ice cream or go to a movie? It's like, oh, no, she didn't like the movie.
Like, why is it so fucking complicated when you look across the animal kingdom, and pretty much every other species is just like, "Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am.
Right.
Why is it so hard with humans? Well, it's actually a very interesting story and an interesting theory.
So Darwin really broached this subject in his, uh, 1871 book, The Descent of Man.
So in The Origin of Species, Darwin posited his theory of natural selection, which is basically survival of the fittest, that all of us, every creature, every animal evolves traits and, uh, behaviors that promote survival.
Mm.
But then you start seeing all these exceptions out there, and the exception that he honed in on was the peacock.
Why does the peacock have these gigantic, bright feathers and it can't even fucking fly?
Mm-hmm.
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