SIRENS: Season of the Seawitch
May 11, 2026 · 36 min · 14 segments
Of course the president of the United States has been replaced by a machine. That's what happens to all presidents upon exiting the White House. So many secrets learned during a short four year term…
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Number one, hardy chrysanthemums.
The mother of them all.
She kisses oxygen's boo-boos and eats its poison, leaving only well-adjusted air to grow and raise more well-adjusted air.
Number two, the spider plant.
A perennial herb with overarching foliage, culling poison from the air and tangling it in purity.
Number three, dracaena.
Latin for the female dragon.
If you cut dracaena, she bleeds.
But don't underestimate her.
Dracaena is incredibly toxic.
After all, a dragon is a dragon.
Number four, Boston fern.
Impermeable to flood, drought, and harsh winters alike.
Like the resilient and hardworking people of New England, this perennial is hard to kill.
Number five, the devil's ivy.
A green vine with heart-shaped leaves that just won't die.
Devil's ivy is amphibious.
She filters all toxins, even underwater toxins.
And ivy considers humans a toxin too.
Number six, the peace lily.
Her name is a misnomer, for lily is neither a lily nor peaceful.
Her favorite hobbies include reading flowery poetry and killing small animals.
Number seven, the weeping ficus.
The saddest member of the team.
She's invasive, an enemy to gardens, disruptor of sidewalks everywhere.
Number one, hardy chrysanthemums.
The mother of them all.
She kisses oxygen's boo-boos and eats its poison, leaving only well-adjusted air to grow and raise more well-adjusted air.
Number two, the spider plant.
A perennial herb with overarching foliage, culling poison from the air and tangling it in purity.
Number three, dracaena.
Latin for the female dragon.
If you cut dracaena, she bleeds.
But don't underestimate her.
Dracaena is incredibly toxic.
After all, a dragon is a dragon.
Number four, Boston fern.
Impermeable to flood, drought, and harsh winters alike.
Like the resilient and hardworking people of New England, this perennial is hard to kill.
Number five, the devil's ivy.
A green vine with heart-shaped leaves that just won't die.
Devil's ivy is amphibious.
She filters all toxins, even underwater toxins.
And ivy considers humans a toxin too.
Number six, the peace lily.
Her name is a misnomer, for lily is neither a lily nor peaceful.
Her favorite hobbies include reading flowery poetry and killing small animals.
Number seven, the weeping ficus.
The saddest member of the team.
She's invasive, an enemy to gardens, disruptor of sidewalks everywhere.
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