She Leads by Faith - Homeschool Community, Connection, Leadership
Oct 3, 2026 · 27 min · 10 segments
You know you need to have the conversation. You’re probably rehearsing it over and over in your head. But every version either sounds too harsh, too defensive, or like you’re avoiding the issue…
OK, so we're going to just go through some scenarios for you guys and give you some words to say.
So the first one is when you think someone won't listen because either they're defensive or they're sensitive or you're just not sure how it's going to go.
So.
Pam likes to call this technique putting your fears out front.
And I totally learned this from you, Pam.
And it's worked so many times because it's true.
I am afraid of What I say is going to either hurt someone's feelings.
They're going to get defensive.
They're going to misunderstand me.
And so it's a fearful place to be.
So if you say that from the beginning, I'm really afraid I need to talk to you about something that I'm really afraid it's not going to go well.
I'm afraid I'm going to say it the wrong way.
I'm afraid that I'm going to hurt your feelings.
And then what does that do for the other person?
Yeah, so it is a technique, but just knowing this technique is like gold in your pocket because what it does is it brings the walls down.
It brings the walls down on both sides.
It makes it so that you, the person that are getting ready to have this conversation, don't feel like you have to have your defenses up ready to be attacked.
on a counterattack.
But what it does is it helps that person to one, understand that something is coming and I need to prepare myself for it.
So, you know, when somebody comes up and they just start talking to you about something and you're not ready for it, you're kind of like, whoa, it takes you off guard.
You're like, I wasn't expecting that.
So it just puts you in a, both in a space where you're on the same page, you know, something's coming and Second, it gives the person that's receiving it an opportunity to make an agreement with you.
Okay, you say, look, I want to have this conversation with you.
And I'm really afraid that something I'm going to say is going to make you feel defensive or I'm going to hurt you.
Then they can then process that and go, okay.
OK, so we're going to just go through some scenarios for you guys and give you some words to say.
So the first one is when you think someone won't listen because either they're defensive or they're sensitive or you're just not sure how it's going to go.
So.
Pam likes to call this technique putting your fears out front.
And I totally learned this from you, Pam.
And it's worked so many times because it's true.
I am afraid of What I say is going to either hurt someone's feelings.
They're going to get defensive.
They're going to misunderstand me.
And so it's a fearful place to be.
So if you say that from the beginning, I'm really afraid I need to talk to you about something that I'm really afraid it's not going to go well.
I'm afraid I'm going to say it the wrong way.
I'm afraid that I'm going to hurt your feelings.
And then what does that do for the other person?
Yeah, so it is a technique, but just knowing this technique is like gold in your pocket because what it does is it brings the walls down.
It brings the walls down on both sides.
It makes it so that you, the person that are getting ready to have this conversation, don't feel like you have to have your defenses up ready to be attacked.
on a counterattack.
But what it does is it helps that person to one, understand that something is coming and I need to prepare myself for it.
So, you know, when somebody comes up and they just start talking to you about something and you're not ready for it, you're kind of like, whoa, it takes you off guard.
You're like, I wasn't expecting that.
So it just puts you in a, both in a space where you're on the same page, you know, something's coming and Second, it gives the person that's receiving it an opportunity to make an agreement with you.
Okay, you say, look, I want to have this conversation with you.
And I'm really afraid that something I'm going to say is going to make you feel defensive or I'm going to hurt you.
Then they can then process that and go, okay.
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