Sep 9, 2026 · 34 min · 8 segments
A husband wrote in after our episode with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife. He appreciated it but wanted more on the man's side. His wife feels connected to him through sex. But 95% of the time she's not…
And this is from a husband that says, I wanted to write about the episode 795, which was a revisit of The Lower Desire Wife with Jennifer Finlayson Fife.
Generally, I found it helpful, but was hoping for a bit more comprehensive look at the man's side.
So is there a place where the right move is for the man to say no to sex for years on end? We've had a number of bouts of me saying no to sex for a period.
Right now, my wife feels connected to me through sex, but it is one way sex 95% of the time, meaning she's not aroused usually at all.
Usually she has a good attitude about it, but this one-sided sex ends with her saying she's done.
We've discovered recently that she likes to use the vibrator by herself afterwards when I'm in the shower because she often feels pressured by me to enjoy sex.
So how do I get out of this one-sided sex and give her freedom to enjoy? By saying no to sex, I'm essentially rejecting the whole thing because she isn't performing by enjoying sex.
When we're having regular one-sided sex, I generally feel more positive toward her and have less frustrations about our marriage, but eventually it builds up and I get frustrated by the one-sided sex.
When we're abstaining for a while, I have a renewed sense of hope that she understands the importance of her enjoying it over time.
But I ended up feeling more and more disconnected and either situation abstaining or regular one-sided sex.
I'm holding back some of some, because when I pursue her fully, the frustration of not having mutually enjoyable sex is at its highest.
I'm in pain, deep down, trying to hold onto hope for mutual sex one day, but just mostly feeling stuck.
And this is from a husband that says, I wanted to write about the episode 795, which was a revisit of The Lower Desire Wife with Jennifer Finlayson Fife.
Generally, I found it helpful, but was hoping for a bit more comprehensive look at the man's side.
So is there a place where the right move is for the man to say no to sex for years on end? We've had a number of bouts of me saying no to sex for a period.
Right now, my wife feels connected to me through sex, but it is one way sex 95% of the time, meaning she's not aroused usually at all.
Usually she has a good attitude about it, but this one-sided sex ends with her saying she's done.
We've discovered recently that she likes to use the vibrator by herself afterwards when I'm in the shower because she often feels pressured by me to enjoy sex.
So how do I get out of this one-sided sex and give her freedom to enjoy? By saying no to sex, I'm essentially rejecting the whole thing because she isn't performing by enjoying sex.
When we're having regular one-sided sex, I generally feel more positive toward her and have less frustrations about our marriage, but eventually it builds up and I get frustrated by the one-sided sex.
When we're abstaining for a while, I have a renewed sense of hope that she understands the importance of her enjoying it over time.
But I ended up feeling more and more disconnected and either situation abstaining or regular one-sided sex.
I'm holding back some of some, because when I pursue her fully, the frustration of not having mutually enjoyable sex is at its highest.
I'm in pain, deep down, trying to hold onto hope for mutual sex one day, but just mostly feeling stuck.
The rest of this transcript — segmented and speaker-labeled, so you land on the exact moment something was said
Search every transcript — by keyword, by phrase, or by meaning, across every show Radar indexes
Trends — what is surging across podcasts, measured against its own baseline
Alerts — when a name you follow appears in a newly indexed episode
No account is needed to search Radar.