Episode 437 – Six Patterns That End Marriages

I've spent thousands of hours on Zoom with couples.

Some come in hopeful, ready to work.

Others come in hoping I'll somehow fix things for them.

Within the second or third conversation, I can usually tell which patterns are getting in the way, which couples are showing up as a team, and which ones have already emotionally checked out.

It's not about the size of their problems.

A couple might be dealing with complete sexual disconnect, infidelity, financial crisis, or a deep betrayal and still have the tools to rebuild.

Another couple might have what looks like minor communication issues on the surface, but the patterns underneath tell a different story.

They won't make it.

The difference isn't the problems, it's how they're approaching it.

So when I'm on a coaching call with a couple, one of the first things I notice is who's speaking.

One person is usually still trying.

They're offering ideas, explaining what needs to change, working hard in the session, and often the other one's quiet.

Maybe they've emotionally checked out.

Maybe they're done being positioned as the broken one who needs fixing.

Maybe they're trying to engage but just never feel heard, so they just stop trying.

I can see the pattern.

In couples who are still working, the dynamic looks different.

Both people talk.

There's give and take.

The quiet moments are actual pauses, not shutdown.

They listen to each other.

In couples heading for breakdown, the pattern sticks.

One person keeps trying, keeps talking.

The other one stays quiet.

The gap between them gets wider.