Sex For Couples with Heather Shannon
Jun 29, 2026 · 30 min · 14 segments
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There's this kinda spoken or unspoken idea that, like, sex is not really for you.
Like, men are just gonna be more sexually active, and that's okay, and we're gonna judge them less.
[lips smack] And, uh, if you're socialized female, it's kind of like, you know, you don't wanna get a bad reputation.
And if you've had too many partners, you're gonna kinda be viewed as, like, damaged goods, and you don't wanna be considered, like, too slutty or sex forward.
And so, like, not only are we sort of divorced from our own sense of being a sexual person, but we certainly are not gonna feel super comfy, like, disclosing what we're into.
And so, you know, if you've been socialized as a female or your partner has, um, you know, it's worth having a conversation, and it's worth considering that element, that it might be a little bit harder because of conditioning.
And then, um, the other thing I wanted to mention about this story is that, you know, even though this is kind of talking about my first sexual experience, I see the same pattern with people who have been together for 20 years, right? Where it's like you never really said what you want.
It's still like, "Well, I'll go along with whatever 'cause that's just what we do," or, "I'll go along with whatever 'cause that's just... you know, it's good enough," you know, or, "It seems like that's what my partner likes," or like, "I don't wanna rock the boat," you know? And sometimes there's attempts to talk about it that may or may not go well.
There's this kinda spoken or unspoken idea that, like, sex is not really for you.
Like, men are just gonna be more sexually active, and that's okay, and we're gonna judge them less.
[lips smack] And, uh, if you're socialized female, it's kind of like, you know, you don't wanna get a bad reputation.
And if you've had too many partners, you're gonna kinda be viewed as, like, damaged goods, and you don't wanna be considered, like, too slutty or sex forward.
And so, like, not only are we sort of divorced from our own sense of being a sexual person, but we certainly are not gonna feel super comfy, like, disclosing what we're into.
And so, you know, if you've been socialized as a female or your partner has, um, you know, it's worth having a conversation, and it's worth considering that element, that it might be a little bit harder because of conditioning.
And then, um, the other thing I wanted to mention about this story is that, you know, even though this is kind of talking about my first sexual experience, I see the same pattern with people who have been together for 20 years, right? Where it's like you never really said what you want.
It's still like, "Well, I'll go along with whatever 'cause that's just what we do," or, "I'll go along with whatever 'cause that's just... you know, it's good enough," you know, or, "It seems like that's what my partner likes," or like, "I don't wanna rock the boat," you know? And sometimes there's attempts to talk about it that may or may not go well.
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