***BONUS Choosing Different Mini Series: Three Words Every Parent Owes Their Child: "I Believe You"

Yeah.

I just think as you're talking about those, even if we talk a lot about validating the child's reality and for the child, oftentimes they're navigating this experience with limited information, with limited ability to regulate and to cope and to make sense of things.

And it really can be a confusing time for them.

And so as the parent, the child might remember things wrong or different, or they may not have the full picture.

However, that was real to them.

That was their reality, the confusion, the details that didn't make sense, like that's what their reality was.

And so as we talk about this, as you can step into that curiosity, you can do so much to validate their experience and help them make sense of and navigate the pain for themselves.

Yeah.

I think about this first one that even if I remember it differently, and if you're a parent going through this, you've probably experienced something similar with your spouse, because I know I talk about this a lot with the betrayed partners and the spouses that I work with.

And that is this idea that the way somebody else experiences a situation or an interaction can be different than the way we remember it.

And it's not because one of us is wrong or that one of us is being dishonest, but sometimes, like sometimes I know that for me as a parent, I had this kind of filter on the way I saw things because I didn't want to view or admit to myself that I would have done something that caused you pain because I love all my kids more than anything in the world and the last thing I want to do is hurt them and so sometimes it was hard for me to accept that something I had done had hurt them unintentionally and so sometimes Morgan you would tell me about an experience or a moment And I remembered it differently.

And so my instinct is to correct.

My instinct is to jump in and go, that's not right.

And I know that, think again, relationally, how many times does this happen with your spouse? And all you want to do is just be understood and you want your experience to be validated.

And so two memories can both be honest and your version doesn't have to match your child's version for it to be valid.

I have a perfect example.

Okay.

A memory, actually, that's coming up that I'm like, oh, yep, we have lived this one.

There, just from my own journey, I'm remembering there was an evening, I think you were out of town, and dad had gone, he needed some help.

So he went to meet with a mentor or a buddy and he had left to go get help and I didn't know where he went and I was left home alone and for me that was scary that was you know it was late at night and he was doing what he needed to do and you were out of town but I was confused and I was scared and so I'm sitting here feeling abandoned feeling like what the heck my parents are here they just left and And, you know, as I talk about that, I might explain that like, oh yeah, there was this night way back when that my parents just left and I was alone and I had to deal with everything by myself.

And for me, that was true.

But how you guys might remember that, you know, putting myself in dad's shoes because you were out of town, he might say, wait a sec, I needed help.

I was, I think he was at grandma and grandpa's house or something.

I went to get help because this is what I was going through at the time.

Not thinking, not noticing the impact on what that was like for me, but perfect example how we both experienced that and lived it different.