Aug 24, 2026 · 16 min · 6 segments
Jess tackles the age-old parenting struggle: What do you do when your child shuts down during tricky conversations? Listeners will walk away with five practical tools for tough conversations with…
Today, I want to answer a listener question for you, and this is a question that I've been getting a lot because, as you know, on Robot Unicorn, we like to talk about tricky topics like puberty, like friendship, like ADHD, and we like to give you scripts and teach you how to talk to your kids about these topics.
But something that I've been getting a lot from parents recently is, "Jess, what do I do when I'm trying to talk to my child about something, but they shut down, they run away, they get awkward, they get embarrassed, they don't wanna talk about it?" Parents wonder, like, "How hard do I push? How do I have tricky conversations with a kid who just doesn't wanna have these conversations?" And I got these questions a lot after I recently did a puberty theme over on Nurtured First, and I was giving parents scripts to talk to their kids about periods and erections and other topics like that that can feel awkward or uncomfortable.
And they were saying they were trying to use these scripts with their kids, but now their kids are embarrassed and not wanting to talk about it.
And so I thought, "Why don't we just give you some tools for these kids who kind of shut down when you're trying to talk about something difficult or uncomfortable?" So the first thing that I wanna do is just acknowledge that this is likely part of your child's temperament.
Some kids, especially our more sensitive kids, are wired different, and they can sense if something feels uncomfortable.
They can sense if you feel uncomfortable, and they like to avoid feeling that discomfort themselves.
Sometimes, too, when w- when we come on strong with a topic that's new or they're not really sure about, it might cause their nervous system to become activated, and these kids might have more of a flight.
You know, if you think about fight, flight, or freeze, they might be more [laughs] of, like, the flight.
Like, "I'd rather run away, put my head under the covers, not have to deal with this conversation than have to face it head-on." So the exciting part is learning how to tolerate uncomfortable conversations is actually an incredibly important skill for our kids, not only for the conversations that they have with you that are gonna feel uncomfortable, and as they're children, preteens, leading into the teenage, it's really important that they learn how to have uncomfortable conversations with you because a lot of things are gonna come up in their life that are difficult, and you want them to know that you can handle them, and your relationship can handle them.
So it's actually, always with a reframe, [laughs] a great time to practice discomfort and having uncomfortable conversations, showing your child that you can handle it.
Now, what we don't want to do is force the uncomfortable conversation before your child's ready for it or make your child so uncomfortable that they never wanna talk to you about anything again.
So I'm gonna give you some things that you can do to help your child build their tolerance to having uncomfortable conversations with you so that you can eventually start to have these conversations without them running away and hiding.
And so whether this topic is something like puberty, sex, something that they did wrong, or a conversation about a family member who's sick, like, there's so many conversations that are just tricky to have.
So in the moment, let's say you're saying to your tween son, "Hey, you know, I wanna talk to you about erections.
It's really important that you understand it at your age." And he's like, "Boom, I'm out of here." Like, runs away, hides in his room.
That's okay, but I do want you to know we're gonna come back to this conversation." So don't follow their lead in terms of they say they don't wanna talk about it, therefore, you're never gonna bring it up again and then just say, "Well, you never wanted to talk about it," right? Remember that you're in the leadership position.
You're the adult here, and if it's something that you know that they have to hear or eventually learn about or talk about, you know that you have to come back to the conversation.
Today, I want to answer a listener question for you, and this is a question that I've been getting a lot because, as you know, on Robot Unicorn, we like to talk about tricky topics like puberty, like friendship, like ADHD, and we like to give you scripts and teach you how to talk to your kids about these topics.
But something that I've been getting a lot from parents recently is, "Jess, what do I do when I'm trying to talk to my child about something, but they shut down, they run away, they get awkward, they get embarrassed, they don't wanna talk about it?" Parents wonder, like, "How hard do I push? How do I have tricky conversations with a kid who just doesn't wanna have these conversations?" And I got these questions a lot after I recently did a puberty theme over on Nurtured First, and I was giving parents scripts to talk to their kids about periods and erections and other topics like that that can feel awkward or uncomfortable.
And they were saying they were trying to use these scripts with their kids, but now their kids are embarrassed and not wanting to talk about it.
And so I thought, "Why don't we just give you some tools for these kids who kind of shut down when you're trying to talk about something difficult or uncomfortable?" So the first thing that I wanna do is just acknowledge that this is likely part of your child's temperament.
Some kids, especially our more sensitive kids, are wired different, and they can sense if something feels uncomfortable.
They can sense if you feel uncomfortable, and they like to avoid feeling that discomfort themselves.
Sometimes, too, when w- when we come on strong with a topic that's new or they're not really sure about, it might cause their nervous system to become activated, and these kids might have more of a flight.
You know, if you think about fight, flight, or freeze, they might be more [laughs] of, like, the flight.
Like, "I'd rather run away, put my head under the covers, not have to deal with this conversation than have to face it head-on." So the exciting part is learning how to tolerate uncomfortable conversations is actually an incredibly important skill for our kids, not only for the conversations that they have with you that are gonna feel uncomfortable, and as they're children, preteens, leading into the teenage, it's really important that they learn how to have uncomfortable conversations with you because a lot of things are gonna come up in their life that are difficult, and you want them to know that you can handle them, and your relationship can handle them.
So it's actually, always with a reframe, [laughs] a great time to practice discomfort and having uncomfortable conversations, showing your child that you can handle it.
Now, what we don't want to do is force the uncomfortable conversation before your child's ready for it or make your child so uncomfortable that they never wanna talk to you about anything again.
So I'm gonna give you some things that you can do to help your child build their tolerance to having uncomfortable conversations with you so that you can eventually start to have these conversations without them running away and hiding.
And so whether this topic is something like puberty, sex, something that they did wrong, or a conversation about a family member who's sick, like, there's so many conversations that are just tricky to have.
So in the moment, let's say you're saying to your tween son, "Hey, you know, I wanna talk to you about erections.
It's really important that you understand it at your age." And he's like, "Boom, I'm out of here." Like, runs away, hides in his room.
That's okay, but I do want you to know we're gonna come back to this conversation." So don't follow their lead in terms of they say they don't wanna talk about it, therefore, you're never gonna bring it up again and then just say, "Well, you never wanted to talk about it," right? Remember that you're in the leadership position.
You're the adult here, and if it's something that you know that they have to hear or eventually learn about or talk about, you know that you have to come back to the conversation.
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