243: The Gift of Being Witnessed: Motherhood, Grandmotherhood & Self-Compassion

In this episode, I reflect on a recent weekend spent with my daughter Morgan, her close friends, and their spouses at our home in Ireland to celebrate her 30th birthday. What began as a birthday gathering unexpectedly became a mini retreat for me, bringing together women and couples standing at very different thresholds of motherhood, partnership, and family life. Watching a young mother care for her nine-and-a-half-month-old brought me face-to-face with memories of my own motherhood — including the parts I had forgotten, the overwhelm I remembered, and the old questions about whether I had been enough. As I witnessed her navigating the daily realities of new motherhood, I realized how easily we can see the beauty, thoughtfulness, love, and care in another mother while being unable to recognize those same qualities in ourselves. We explore the power of witnessing rather than fixing, correcting, or offering advice. As I prepare to become a grandmother, I share how this experience helped me imagine a different role — one rooted not in expertise, but in seeing the mother and reflecting back what she may not yet be able to see for herself. In doing so, I also discovered an opportunity to offer that same compassion to the younger mother I once was. **You’ll also hear about:** - (02:15) Celebrating Morgan’s 30th birthday and the unexpected layers of motherhood it brought forward - (03:15) The different thresholds of motherhood and partnership represented during the weekend - (06:21) Feeling unexpectedly inadequate while watching a new mother care for her baby - (08:42) Why motherhood memories often preserve major milestones while losing the thousands of ordinary acts of tending - (09:18) The old wounds and questions about whether we were present enough or did motherhood “right” - (13:59) Seeing a young mother’s thoughtfulness, love, and discernment from the outside - (15:14) Choosing curiosity over judgment when witnessing another mother’s choices - (17:38) Why mothers are so hungry to be seen and why motherhood is such a vulnerable experience - (19:17) The cultural expectations that leave mothers constantly wondering, “Am I doing this right?” - (23:48) The connection between grandmotherhood and finally mothering the mother we once were - (25:42) Who is holding up the mirror for you, and whose face might change if you held one up for her? - (28:39) How being stirred up by what we see in others can become an invitation to curiosity, growth, and self-discovery Don't miss this deeply personal reflection on motherhood, grandmotherhood, self-compassion, and the transformative power of truly witnessing one another! Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you listen to podcasts! ### **Follow Dr. Gertrude** - Learn more on Dr. Gertrude’s Website - Follow Dr. Gertrude on Instagram - Stay in the loop and sign up to Dr. Gertrude’s Substack - **Order Dr. Gertrude’s new book “*Rewrite the Mother Code*”**