#170 - Better Conversations

Today I want to talk about something that sounds incredibly simple, but I think most of us are much worse at it than we realize.

Having a conversation without an agenda, not a sales conversation or a networking conversation, not a discovery call disguised as a conversation.

Not asking questions because you're waiting for the perfect opening to tell somebody what you do.

Just a conversation where your only job is to be genuinely curious about the person sitting across from you and actually listen.

I think we've become incredibly tactical in the way we communicate, especially in business.

I teach people to have an objective, to know what you want from the meeting, be strategic and intentional, asking the right questions, controlling the conversation, look for those pain points and identify gaps or opportunities.

We're always moving the person to the next step.

And listen, there are absolutely situations where that makes sense in the sales cycle, in the sales conversation.

You know, if somebody scheduled a sales meeting with you, there's a purpose to that conversation.

But I think the problem is that we start carrying that mindset into every interaction we have.

Coffee and lunch become strategic.

Networking becomes strategic.

The questions you ask become strategic and so do relationships.

And eventually, you know, people can feel it and maybe they can't articulate it, but they can feel when you're listening to understand them.

And when you're listening for your turn to speak or make an offer or a pitch or share your value.

They can feel when you're interested in their story and when you're searching their story for an opportunity.

And obviously, those are two very different experiences.

And again, ironically, I think the less tactical we become in some of these conversations, the more powerful they become.

Because when someone senses...

That you don't need anything from them.

Something changes and you can see it in their body language.

They relax.

They stop performing, can hear it in their voice and their tone.

They don't have to protect themselves.

And if you're genuinely curious, they start talking, not the polished version, not the 32nd answer, because that's the answer they've given a hundred times.