284. Sobriety Isn’t Safety: Understanding Betrayal Trauma With Kristy Rodriguez

**Welcome to episode #283!** 🎙️ **Pure Victory Podcast: Sobriety Isn’t Safety: Understanding Betrayal Trauma With Kristy Rodriguez** Porn addiction doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Its impact can reach deep into a marriage, family, and especially the heart of the person who has been betrayed. In this powerful conversation, we sit down with **Kristy Rodriguez**, Executive Director of Hope After Betrayal, to talk about betrayal trauma, rebuilding trust, the difference between sobriety and safety, and what genuine repentance actually looks like. Kristy shares her own story of discovering her husband's pornography addiction and affair, the devastation that followed, and how God slowly brought healing and redemption to her marriage and family. This conversation is heavy—but it’s also filled with **hope**. Your story is not beyond God's ability to redeem. **Key Takeaways** - **Betrayal is trauma.** Understanding the wound matters because the right wound requires the right kind of care. - **Sobriety isn't the same as safety.** Stopping the behavior is important, but rebuilding trust requires becoming a person who consistently creates safety. - **Regret isn't repentance.** Remorse feels bad about the wound; repentance begins picking up the bricks and rebuilding what was broken. - **The betrayed spouse is not responsible for fixing the addiction.** You aren't the cause, and you can't be the cure. - **Forgiveness and healing aren't the same thing.** Healing takes time, intentional work, truth, community, and often professional or ministry support. - **Don't walk through betrayal alone.** Community can be a vital part of healing. - **God's redemption is bigger than our wreckage.** What sin has damaged does not have to have the final word. **Scripture Highlight** “He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted...” — Isaiah 61:1 God doesn't minimize our wounds. He meets us in them—and He is able to bring restoration where we thought there was only loss. Action Steps **If you're the betrayed spouse:** - Find safe, informed community instead of walking through this alone. - Give yourself permission to heal rather than feeling pressured to “just get over it.” - Focus on what you can control: your own healing, boundaries, and relationship with Jesus. - Seek wise counsel when you're unsure what healthy boundaries should look like. **If you've been the one causing the harm:** - Don't settle for simply stopping the behavior. - Learn about betrayal trauma and understand the wound you've caused. - Pursue genuine repentance, accountability, and deeper healing. - Ask yourself: **“Am I becoming a safer person, or am I simply becoming a more sober person?”** **For all of us:** Bring your pain, questions, and brokenness to Jesus. Don't let what someone else has done—or what you've done yourself—become bigger than the redemptive power of God. **Connect to Kristy and Hope after Betrayal:** Hope after Betrayal 🎧 **Subscribe to the Pure Victory Podcast!** 💙 Want to help others find freedom? Visit **PureVictoryPodcast.com** to support the mission. You are not alone—and freedom is possible. **Ask a question** Have a question you'd like answered live on an episode? Send a voice recording of your question to braden@familylifecanada.com **Share this with your friends** Who do you know that can benefit from this podcast and other episodes coming in the future? Share it with them so they can subscribe as well. **Subscribe** Subscribe on any podcast app to make sure you catch new episodes!  **Resources** FamilyLife Canada: Porn Recovery Resources FamilyLife Canada: Resources and events to strengthen your marriage Online marriage resources (FamilyLife Canada) Covenant Eyes Accountability Software - use promo code FLCANADA for 30 days free Pure Freedom Community for men 18+ Book a FREE call (men) Pure Freedom Journey for men and women **Podcast Host** **BRADEN HAFNER** Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He and his wife Kristen live in Edmonton, Alberta. He knows all too well the destruction that porn use and addiction can have, and now wants to see people experience freedom away from porn. Along with that he is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.com