What are you protecting and why? | Reflection Room August

And it made me wonder, If we were like a conker in a shell, what would our prickles psychologically be for? What purpose do they serve? One explanation psychologically comes from social identity theory because it says that we don't defend our opinions, but we defend who we are.

I see myself as somebody who is thoughtful and kind and competent and knowledgeable and And if feedback suddenly threatens that identity, I wouldn't be thinking, oh, have I got something wrong? I'd be thinking, what does this mean? Am I still the same person that I thought I was? And that's a much bigger question, isn't it? And perhaps that's why moments of criticism leave us feeling so exposed.

But that's just one perspective.

So there's another area of psychology called self-affirmation theory.

And this is quite interesting and curious because it means that when people are reminded of the values and identities that matter most to them, we do become less defensive.

So we're more open to hearing difficult information.

We're more willing to change minds and we're better able to reflect.

So this isn't because we've become less emotional.

It's just that we don't feel that we have to protect our entire sense of self.

So if I think about that conker, the values is the golden conker inside Ephes and sculpture, her glass creation.

And the prickles on the outside are protecting that.

But if I'm aligned with that value in the middle and I remember that is who I am and I know that about myself and I remind myself of that frequently, then it just means that I don't have to be so protective over it because it just is, it exists.

There's also some fascinating research from neuroscience.

And this shows how our brains respond to rejection and criticism and exclusion in ways that are very similar to pain pathways.

In other words, what it feels like to be being prickly may just be the nervous system trying to keep us safe.

It's a warning signal.

And it's perhaps easy to forgive ourselves for being prickly when we're trying to protect the core of our identity and who we value or what we value about ourselves.