When Parenting Feels Hopeless

I grew up in a generation that was bent on, uh, finding peace.

Did you? The peace emblem was on every blacklight poster and tie-dye shirt that I had.

It was "give peace a chance," uh, generation, and, uh, filled with peace movements and rallies, and peace was promoted in relationships.

We flashed our V signs with our fingers, and we yelled from the rooftops in our pursuit of, uh, world harmony.

I watched a television commercial the other day that said, th- said this, that we put the meaning in meaningful relationships, and we did.

While we pieced together everything, we threw out something that was pretty important.

That's the concept of allowing relationships, uh, to survive conflict.

We were so set on finding oneness that we ran from anything that hinted of conflict and struggle and hardship.

And in doing so, my generation ran from marriages, denied anything negative happening to our children, and created a generation gap of a different sort, um, than we experienced as adolescents.

And the absence of struggle, I mean, continues today, um, as parents want their children to have it easier and better than they had it.

But easier keeps relationships from moving into the depth, um, that we really long for, and this relationship pendulum has moved far to one side, pointing to peace at all cost.

Are you following me? Peace at all cost.

Like we just, no conflict, just peace.

And as a result, divorce rates are higher than they ever have been the last 25 years, and sadly, many of the family struggles today are the result of my generation's well-intentioned pursuit to put the meaning into meaningful relationships.

Because our parents [smacks lip] were often hardworking but distant, uh, we tried so hard to connect that we unintentionally caused heartache and hurt as people, um, disappeared during difficult times.

So it's no wonder that children fear abandonment if there's a conflict.

That is why th- th- that's what we see growing up today.

And, and, and when the going gets tough, uh, the peace lovers get going, ill-equipped to push through any conflict to achieve resolution.

I grew up in a generation that was bent on, uh, finding peace.

Did you? The peace emblem was on every blacklight poster and tie-dye shirt that I had.

It was "give peace a chance," uh, generation, and, uh, filled with peace movements and rallies, and peace was promoted in relationships.

We flashed our V signs with our fingers, and we yelled from the rooftops in our pursuit of, uh, world harmony.

I watched a television commercial the other day that said, th- said this, that we put the meaning in meaningful relationships, and we did.

While we pieced together everything, we threw out something that was pretty important.

That's the concept of allowing relationships, uh, to survive conflict.

We were so set on finding oneness that we ran from anything that hinted of conflict and struggle and hardship.

And in doing so, my generation ran from marriages, denied anything negative happening to our children, and created a generation gap of a different sort, um, than we experienced as adolescents.

And the absence of struggle, I mean, continues today, um, as parents want their children to have it easier and better than they had it.

But easier keeps relationships from moving into the depth, um, that we really long for, and this relationship pendulum has moved far to one side, pointing to peace at all cost.

Are you following me? Peace at all cost.

Like we just, no conflict, just peace.

And as a result, divorce rates are higher than they ever have been the last 25 years, and sadly, many of the family struggles today are the result of my generation's well-intentioned pursuit to put the meaning into meaningful relationships.

Because our parents [smacks lip] were often hardworking but distant, uh, we tried so hard to connect that we unintentionally caused heartache and hurt as people, um, disappeared during difficult times.

So it's no wonder that children fear abandonment if there's a conflict.

That is why th- th- that's what we see growing up today.

And, and, and when the going gets tough, uh, the peace lovers get going, ill-equipped to push through any conflict to achieve resolution.