Parenting Matters Now with Dr. Roger Smith
Sep 14, 2026 · 4 min · 3 segments
Navigating boundaries with well-meaning grandparents and in-laws can often feel like walking through a relational minefield. In this episode of Parenting Matters Now, Dr. Roger Smith shares practical…
Roger SmithHost
I just finished writing a section in a chapter about conflicts that can happen in a home.
And one of the areas are the landmines, I call it, is the grandparents or the in-laws.
We as grandparents are so well-intended and we oftentimes are totally unaware of the problems that we are creating.
It is a delicate thing as you're seeking to communicate what it is you're trying to accomplish in your family as it relates to the grandparents, the in-laws in particular.
And you think that there is a plan afoot to try to undermine your role as a parent.
And it There are things that can help to foster the conversation where you kind of get on the same page about what you're expecting as far as rules and what you're expecting as far as behaviors and gift giving and all kinds of things, managing holidays and traditions and different stuff.
In a similar way that you want to enjoy your children, they want to enjoy the grandchildren.
And maybe you need to have conversations about that that are saying, hey, let's find some alternative.
Let's pursue something that is agreeable both to you and to me, something where you thought you'd give them a treat, and it's something that we think is a good idea.
And sometimes you're going to have to bend on the rules, and sometimes they will have to bend or comply, maybe not bend.
In fact, if you have a good relationship with a grandparent, you understand that.
But when it becomes personal, your child, not you as the child, but your child, somehow we begin to see it differently.
I just finished writing a section in a chapter about conflicts that can happen in a home.
And one of the areas are the landmines, I call it, is the grandparents or the in-laws.
We as grandparents are so well-intended and we oftentimes are totally unaware of the problems that we are creating.
It is a delicate thing as you're seeking to communicate what it is you're trying to accomplish in your family as it relates to the grandparents, the in-laws in particular.
And you think that there is a plan afoot to try to undermine your role as a parent.
And it There are things that can help to foster the conversation where you kind of get on the same page about what you're expecting as far as rules and what you're expecting as far as behaviors and gift giving and all kinds of things, managing holidays and traditions and different stuff.
In a similar way that you want to enjoy your children, they want to enjoy the grandchildren.
And maybe you need to have conversations about that that are saying, hey, let's find some alternative.
Let's pursue something that is agreeable both to you and to me, something where you thought you'd give them a treat, and it's something that we think is a good idea.
And sometimes you're going to have to bend on the rules, and sometimes they will have to bend or comply, maybe not bend.
In fact, if you have a good relationship with a grandparent, you understand that.
But when it becomes personal, your child, not you as the child, but your child, somehow we begin to see it differently.
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