Grief: how my personal bereavement shapes my nursing practice

And at what point did you realise that maybe she was going to have a short life?

I didn't.

I didn't.

So I didn't expect Ellie to survive past birth.

I thought for what we were told and what we were advised, I would have hours to days with Ellie.

But every limitation, every thing that she was told she couldn't do, she did.

But As far as I was concerned, she had the shunt fitted for the hydrocephalus and it was just the MRIs to keep an eye on it, make sure it was working.

But as far as I was concerned, she came over the worst bit.

So I never ever thought that in my head that we would lose her.

Even right up until I was stood there being told the time of death, I just thought she would rally round the way she always does with a big smile on her face and laughing at the adventure of being in a helicopter that night.

That's what I

thought.

And was it related to the shunt in her head?

Yes, it was.

The shunt had blocked, but Ellie had had an MRI two days previous before she sadly passed away.

An MRI was absolutely fine.

We came home back to Arran that day and it was a roasting hot day.

We did things that We wouldn't usually have done that day.

We played mini golf.

We had dice game.

We went to the beach.

It was a perfect day.

Went home, put her to bed, absolutely fine.

And then maybe 11 o'clock at night, she woke up complaining of her sore head.

She was vomiting.