Chapter 55: The Krok Sucks Group Chat

Good morning, maggot food.

Well, if this isn't the shittiest army I've ever had the pleasure of addressing.

Let's hear it.

How many of you puked this morning? Come on, don't be shy.

There you are.

Welcome to the club.

If you think the puking is bad, just wait until the part where you shit yourself.

If this is your first battle, I'll be real with you.

You're probably going to die.

Some may think that's a terrible thing to say to your soldiers before battle, but hear me out.

When you know you're going to die, you've only got one thing to worry about.

How are you going to die? Ask yourself, my beautiful little cannon fodder, how are you going to die? Crying? Begging for mercy? Or are you going to do something amazing, something truly epic? If there was ever a time for a blaze of glory, that time is now.

If you would like any advice on planning your blaze of glory, please see me.

I thought I was going to die about nineteen times.

Turns out [laughs] it's almost impossible to kill me.

If only they'd tell my enemies, right? [laughs] You hear that? We just hit the atmosphere.

Any minute now, that door's going to open and all hell's going to break loose.

These are the last moments of your life, my little shitheads.

That may make you sad, but honestly, what was so great about your life? We make the world.

When we speak about the Battle of Cryptasia, we speak about many things.

Pain, suffering, sacrifice, heroism.

Two great armies, each with their strengths and weaknesses, met each other on the battlefield that day and no one could have expected how the battle was finally won.

It was a test of wills, a test of technology, and a test of strategy.

But mostly, it was a test of the spirit, a test of that ineffable thing within us.

It's not often a battle is won by something so undefined, making the Battle of Cryptasia- One of the truly great confrontations on record.